Archive for May, 2006

“Don’t F$@# with Us!”

So my friend, Larry, who works on the Austin Movie Show with me had this idea for a Quentin Tarantino Musical, featuring the Rodgers and Hammerstein composition, “Don’t Fuck With Us!” Naturally, I decided I needed to record this song so we could film this piece. The results amused me.
I present, “Don’t F$@# With Us!”
And while I think it’s funnier when bleeped (and that’s how it will air) we had to have the unedited version just for fun.

Do I just look helpful?

I must have a helpful looking face. On Sunday, I was outside playing guitar, waiting for my friend Larry to get here. Over the course of the next half hour or so, about 5 different older people stopped to ask me if I could tell them where apartment 127 was. Larry witnessed 3 of them I think.
Then, tonight, we were in the grocery store. Now keep in mind, I was wearing a wildly colored and patterned paisley kind of shirt. This lady stops me and asks “do you work here?” I said “No, but maybe I can help you anyway.” She proceeded to try and relay her request to me in her heavily accented voice, but I couldn’t quite understand what she was looking for. She kept saying what sounded like “cooler”. She was searching for something in dairy I think and we were right in front of the dairy cooler, but I could not decipher her need. I thought I’d nailed it with “Cool Whip”, but that proved to be wrong. Eventually she smiled and said she would go find the employee who had directed her over in this general direction and get them to help her. As we walked on, wondering what it is about me that seems to make people want to ask me for assistance, we were extra amused that anyone could see me in the shirt I was wearing and wonder if I worked at Randalls.
The strangest part is that this happens to me fairly frequently when I’m in a shop or wherever. People often seem to think I work there regardless of how much my clothes may not at all resemble employee clothes. Maybe I just always look like I confidently know what I’m doing.

Stay away from Listerine “Arctic Mint”

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like any “flavor” (and I use the term loosely) of Listerine is nummylicious or anything, but “Arctic Mint” is downright vile. It’s bright blue hue should be your first indicator that using it is like what I imagine gargling with anti-freeze might be like. Then, as if you haven’t been through enough in that 30 seconds of swishing this rancid concoction around in your mouth like some drunken alien’s urine sample, it also leaves a strange taste and dry feeling as a long lasting reminder of the violation that just traumatized your poor orifice.
The green “Fresh Mint” is tolerable, though.