Heath

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Homepage: http://www.heathallyn.com/


Posts by Heath

Dream 44

In last night’s dream I was staying at my long time friend, Andy Hunter’s house (a fictional dream house in a fictional dream timeline that doesn’t necessarily match current life details in way). A bunch of us were going to be playing some tabeltop RPG in a little bit so we were just killing time. Andy had some kind of model clamp contraption that had multiple little arms and clamps to hold pieces for gluing and painting and such, and was constructing a cool, small crossbow type thing (probably 4 inches) for his not so miniature mini to represent his character, totally from scratch from various pieces of stuff he had and was re-purposing.

There’s a part of the dream that’s fuzzy for me now, but I know that I had a borrowed car and for some reason was going to try and find/move it. I was clicking the key fob to make the alarm beep so I could find it. I was starting to get worried someone had stolen it, then finally there was a beep. But then that car reversed and drove off. It had just been a coincidental beep. I think I eventually found the car to my relief.

Later I was in the spare bedroom where I was staying, just laying down for a bit. My phone rang. It was my ex who hasn’t spoken to me for a long time. My heart jumped. I answered. She said something but I didn’t catch the last part so I said, “Sorry, I didn’t get that last part.” She said ti again, but again, I didn’t catch it and told her so. There was a long silence. I asked if she was still there. She was. More silence. I asked if she was just silent because she was thinking, and she said yes. So we sat om the phone in silence. It was both a silence filled with some tension, wondering why she had called, but also just a comfortable silence, just being. I got out of bed to do a few things, still on the phone in silence. I had to go to the bathroom. I was just in my underwear, and the bathroom was right next to Andy’s sister’s room (fictional dream sister, not his actual sister). I didn’t feel like getting dressed so I just dashed into the bathroom. Still on the phone in silence. Then I wanted to get back to my room, but I could see the shadow of his sister folding laundry. I waited until it seemed like she was out of her door way and dashed back to my room. Still silently on the phone. The game would be starting soon. There was so much I wanted to say, but we just sat on the phone with each other in silence.

Then I woke up.

Dream 44

Long awaited call
Signal problems or just thought?
Meaningful silence

Dream 43

If you know me you probably know I have a collection of great coats. In addition, I feel this dream is RIFE with psychological layers. Like a psychological onion. Especially for actors or anyone in the movie/Television business.

In this dream, I was on the set of a very big movie. I was only an extra, but my friend, Brian Villalobos was one of the four main stars (that alone is a loaded psychological onion ready to be peeled). I believe it was being directed by Sean Cain who I worked with when he directed Terror Birds. The production had me bring all my sweet coats as possible costume options, but had ended up not using them so I had hung them all in an unused closet.

After filming had wrapped, the 4 leads had to do a photo shoot for the movie poster. As I was walking out to the holding area, I saw all my coats in a pile on the floor. Apparently, they wanted as many possibilities for costuming as possible for the photo shoot so they had just went around the entire place grabbing everything they could find including my coats from the closet, and just thrown them on the floor temporarily while they were collecting. I was furious! Those were my personal coats and were stashed in a non-production closet! I went to a table where one of the costumers and a bunch of other crew were sitting and explained the situation. They all agreed with me that it wasn’t right but also didn’t really know what I could do about it, and told me if I raised a stink it would just look bad on me and give me a bad reputation.

I was fuming, but I was also worried about pissing people off or having a bad reputation. I walked back in the studio to see if I could see what was going on. On my way some water dripped on me. I looked up and saw that a bunch of trash bags had been somehow attached to the ceiling and were holding water for a amateur and precariously-rigged rain simulator. Wait, were they getting the actors wet? Were they getting my coats wet? Placed on floor under any place there was a leak were these little fizzing sponge-pucks that somehow soaked up a lot of the water. I got close to the set and saw several wardrobe racks. From where I was, I couldn’t see my coats, but was slightly comforted by the fact that at least they were hung up on racks. I was happy for my friend Brian that he was a lead in a major film and was going to be on a movie poster, but felt very lonely, disconnected and “so close, yet so far” from my career hopes and dreams.

Then I woke up.

Coats

Too many great coats
Especially for Texas
Don’t mess with my coats

Dream 42

Such a simple dream. Just a moment with my ex, being behind her, maybe sitting in a car or something. Maybe a couch or hammock or something where she was more lying down but I could still be “behind her.” I put my chin on her shoulder from behind, right in that soft spot where her shoulder meets her neck. Our cheeks pressed together, we both smile and nuzzle up against each other. And in my dream I thought “This is where I belong. Nothing has ever felt this safe and right. This is home.”

Then I wake up. And I can still smell her. Her scent lingers in my synapses from the dream.

Dream 42

A simple moment
Yet so deep and heartbreaking
My brain’s an asshole

Dream 41

The ex and I were in my car. At an intersection, some crazed drugged out people ran up to the car and pulled her passenger door open. They started throwing money in the car frantically saying we had to keep this safe for them. I tried to floor it but Since one of them was holding on to the passenger door handle, my car skewed that direction (dream physics don’t have to make sense). Eventually I got loose and we sped around a corner and into a dark area behind a building. We were trying to figure out what to do next, fearing these people would be trying to find us.

Something that has happened to me many times in real life, is that I’m having a bad dream and in the dream I’m trying to yell or scream but can’t so it’ just comes out as a kind of weak moan, and then it turns out the reason is that the exact same thing is happening in real life. I”m trying to yell in my sleep but am just sort of making weak noises. As has happened in the past, she’s next to me in bed and gently nudges me, saying it’s just a bad dream and snuggles up close to me. I’m comforted. Our bodies are close with our arms tight around each other.

Then in that moment, I start to realize that this too is a dream. I start to cry as I’m ripped from the dream world into the actual real world where my face is wet with tears. I try to pull myself together, grab my phone to distract myself for a moment and put on an audiobook as I try to forget my heart re-breaking, come back to the present, disengage from these emotions and just breathe. It was just a dream. But then it was just a dream.

Dream 41

Dream within a dream
One bad, one seemingly good
Except it’s not real

Dream Theatre 38-40

I haven’t documented a lot of the dreams I’ve remembered but there’s 3 I wanted to try to document before they totally fade. Hopefully, I can still remember enough details even though it’s been a little while since they occurred.

Dream 38
I was at a party at someone’s house. I think it was most likely a house occupied by several (or more) college students. I was saying goodbye to a few people sitting at the dining room table and I remember one was a (fictional) girl who I think I kind of had a crush on so it was kind of that awkward excitement type interaction where you also want to hug someone but also totally overthink it and wonder if you should or if it’s weird or something. I said my goodbyes and left but as I got outside I realized I’d left my phone somewhere inside. So now I was faced with the more awkward reappearance and “Oh, hey, just me again. Forgot my phone,” type explanation. I went past the table into another room that was extremely and strangely packed and cluttered in an almost M.C. Escher-esque way. There was a stairway that went up the right wall then turned 90 degrees and continued up the front wall but it was totally blocked off with furniture and shelves so I had to climb over it and then walk along the hand rain squeezed up against the wall. When I reached the second part of the staircase, there was a couch on it that extended up the stairs and through the doorway at the top so there was just barely enough room between the couch and the top of the door way to squeeze through and drop down. That’s all I remember of that one.

Dream 39
My mind has been extra cruel with constant dreams about my ex. One standout was that I was watching some “hidden camera” TV show on TV and much to my surprise, suddenly there was some “night vision” footage of my ex wearing only a button down shirt and glasses having sex with someone.

Dream 40
In a more subtly cruel dream, my ex and I were driving around revisiting some places where she had gone to college. It was night and she was driving and pointing things out like “Oh that’s the building where…”, etc. At one point, she pulled over and seemed really sad and I saw tears welling up in her eyes. I asked her what was wrong.
She said “I just don’t want you to ever leave me.”
I looked at her with love, surprise and reassurance, tears in my own eyes, put my hands on her face and said “I’m not ever going to leave you. I love you,” and kissed her.

Yeah, that was fun. And ironic. I haven’t figured out of cruel dreams about your ex count as sadism or masochism.

Dreams 38-40

An obstructed house
Sadistic/masochistic
Dreams of a past love