Heath

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Homepage: http://www.heathallyn.com/


Posts by Heath

Dream Theatre #12 and #13

#12: A few nights ago, I dreamt that I went to a party with my friend, Richard. My friend Eric was also at this party but at some point they both ditched me, leaving to stand around alone and awkward. I was approached by a band of foreigners who had a kind of gypsy air about them. There was definitely a Nordic blonde with the, and a few other women as well as some scragglier Slavic men. They started showing me some apps on an iPad as well as little tchotchkes as well as magic/performance/art tricks. I got the distinct feeling this was leading to them trying to sell me something.

#13: Last night I dreamt that my friend, Oryan, was dating a woman we both know. He somehow knew that she really wanted to be with me (I’m not sure if they’d had a conversation about it or if he just knew, or exactly how that came about) so he nobly told her to go to me and be happy. She did and I remember we kissed as if our lives depended on it. Like starving people getting a meal. Like a levee breaking and releasing the raging waters. We were in a kitchen (that seemed kind if dated, though I can’t pinpoint the era). She was sitting on the counter to the right of the sink, which was in the center of the counter and had a window above it. I was standing between her knees and since she was on the counter, she was about a foot above me as we kissed. I woke up with a smile and thought, “That was nice.”

Epic Nerdsplosion

Heath posts:
Lunch with the moving and shaking Carlos A Samudio, then tonight, Star Trek IMAX with Greg Risley and Christopher Thompson! Socializing is good!

Erick Muñoz:
What time are you watching it?

Heath:
8p

Erick:
Boo, I’ll watch it at 11

Heath:
If I see you in line I’ll be sure to shout fake spoilers. “OH MY GOD! I CAN’T BELIEVE SPOCK HAS UNICORN BLOOD!”

Erick:
Wait, the unicorn blood isn’t canon?

Heath:
No, no. They attacked the enemy ship WITH a unicorn blood cannon.

Erick:
Live long and may the force be with you.

Heath:
Did Gandalf say that?

Erick:
It was actually Ra’s Al Ghul. Common mistake.

Heath:
Ah, right. That was when he gave Harry Potter that z shaped scar.

Erick:
That was my favorite scene in The Lion, the With, and the Wardrobe.

Heath:
Yeah but I was pissed when the witch killed Wash.

Erick:
They had to write him off. It started getting weird when they found his Cylon clone.

Heath:
Yeah but can you blame him? I mean he had to protect himself from the Terminator.

Erick:
Yeah. After the Terminator took out uncle Ben, it was kinda the only option he had

Heath:
He should have known that Deckard would recognize his cylon clone. I mean that’s what Deckard does.

Erick:
Wait, was this before or after Frodo fought at the great battle of Westeros?

Heath:
Well sort of both since The Doctor took them in the TARDIS.

Kevin:
“Took them” in the Tardis?

Heath:
Saucy. But yeah, took them into the TARDIS where they both existed before and after the Chig attack on Earth.

Erick:
You’re confused. It wasn’t the Chig, it was the Chitauri.

Heath:
Well the Chigs had an alliance with the Chitauri and The Gentlemen.

Erick:
Oh shit! I forgot about that one! That was in Day 4 around 7pm and 8pm, right? When Jack Bauer had to join the battle?

Christopher:
WOO

Heath:
Yeah and him and John Crichton have a love triangle with Aeryn.

Erick:
Man, it broke my heart when Crichton finally made it to Earth only to realize he was destined to become Ultraman and never see Aeryn again

Heath:
Well he wouldn’t have wanted to stay on an Earth inhabited by intelligent apes any way.

Erick:
I thought it was a bit of a cop out though, when they got rid of the Cesar storyline by bringing Bill and Ted onto the story.

Heath:
Not as much of a cop out as no one being able to figure out that they were Batman and Robin.

Erick:
Well, that kinda made some sense considering that Alan roophied them after Vegas.

Heath:
Yeah they were totally screwed until Lara Croft saved their asses!

Erick:
And that, kids, is how i met your mother.

Erick:
-Scene- Great job, everyone. That was a fantastic post. Save it for posterity.

Heath:
This could literally go on all day, but that, my friend, is a perfect ending. applauds

Epic Nerdsplosion

Twisted storylines
So many references
It could never stop

Inspirational

Images of quotes
Watered down inspiration
Seek it in yourself

Inspirational

quote-cover

Forbidden

Want what you can’t have
Forbidden doesn’t mean good
Plenty of options

Discourse On My Discombobulation With Most Men’s Seeming Obsession With Obtaining the Forbidden (Or Wassup With The Anal Sex?)

I’ll probably have my “man card” revoked for this. Well, who are we kidding, my “man card” was probably revoked long ago for a multitude of reasons. Like using “discombobulated” or owning and wearing a red velvet shirt among countless others. I don’t care, it’s time for the truth to be out there. This is a discussion that needs to happen. Well, “needs” may be a bit strong, but it’s going to happen anyway.

I have no desire, whatsoever, to have anal sex. I’m open. I’m not bland and unexciting (then again, I guess that’s not for me to judge), but I just don’t get it. That is an orifice that is designed to be a waste exit. The sphincter is there specifically to be a traffic cop and keep things sealed tight. Plus, just next door, women have these wonderful things called “vaginas.” They are warm, self-lubricating. Accepting and welcoming a penis is one of their specialties. And yet so many men seem almost obsessed with “getting in the back door” to the point where it’s revered as some kind of holy grail, some “rusty sheriff’s badge” of honor. Something to celebrate when achieved or to ask for on special occasions or as a reward. Of course, I’m generalizing here and I don’t mean to paint all men with the same brush and I’m also specifically talking about us heterosexual men.

Look, even if you want to change it up, there’s mouths, hands, a veritable sexual cornucopia to be had, but no, so many men seem laser focused on “riding the Hershey highway.” I think part of this is the very fact that maybe you’ve been told you’re not supposed to go there, or that many women don’t want it there and yet so many men seem to have some primal animal instinct to want to do that which they are not supposed to do or are told they can’t do. I believe that this is the same reason that men can be with a wonderful, gorgeous, sexy woman, and they still stray and cheat like douchebags wearing ass-hats. The whole “thrill of the chase” stupidity. Yet I’ve never heard of someone really wanting to put it in the crook of an elbow, or knee. Don’t get me wrong, purely by the odds I’m sure it’s happened and that there’s probably a sub-Reddit for it. In fact it seems that throughout history men have most likely tried to put it everywhere it’s not “supposed” to go. Animals, pies, probably most melons. It’s a dark hole I don’t really want to explore…pun intended.

I have known some women who say that they themselves genuinely enjoy it very much, and in that case, great. What happens between two consenting adults is fine. I’m not condemning it as an act itself, I’m just saying that I don’t get the obsession with it and especially if your partner does not want it. But then again, I’m the kind of person who likes a mutual good time for all. It’s not some great and rare artifact to be sought after like “Indiana Jones and the Temple of Poo.” It doesn’t make you a conquering hero. It’s the human exhaust pipe. It’s a garbage chute. And we all know what happens when you go down garbage chutes. You get drenched in muck, the walls start closing in and there are slimy creatures that try to pull you under. Have we learned nothing from Star Wars?

I’m not sure what my point is, really but if you’re going to be all freaked out because someone was using their iPad in a bathroom stall (this doesn’t bother me in the least), then you most certainly shouldn’t want to put any of your body parts into a waste disposal unit. If you gag when cleaning that hairball out of your sink, but then really want the wife to give up the “chocolate starfish,” then maybe you should think a little harder on that one.

Ah wait! I think I found my point! If everyone involved is cool with it, then great, “take it to brown town.” Just stop it with the wanting what you can’t or shouldn’t have. It’s ridiculous. Instead, maybe put that energy into appreciating and recognizing what you do have.

Dream Theatre #11

I arrived at work at night straight from a road trip with some friends. In my dream, the layout of the company was slightly different but very similar to real life. When I came in I saw that there was an audition going on for a movie by Aaron Koontz and Cassandra Hierholzer was also there helping (this obviously stems from the fact that I did work at the same company as Aaron and Cassandra for 3 days, and I have been back to that company to audition for one of Aaron’s movies where Cassandra was manning the front desk). As I arrived, Brian Villalobos had just finished his audition so we hugged and chatted. He told me that his dad was still in the room auditioning. He had been rehearsing a father/son scene with his dad for the audition, and then convinced his dad to come along and actually audition. I went toward the audition room wondering if I might be able to squeeze in to the audition. The door opened and Brian’s dad came out along with about 6 or 7 other people including Aaron and other producers, etc. and I remember wondering how they hell they all had fit into the small audition room. I tried to visualize it, “Well the actors would have been on one side, while all those people would have had to have been over on the other side behind that desk…” Brian’s dad went one direction and I remember thinking that Brian had gone in the other direction and that they were going to be looking for each other. The group holding the audition seemed finished and so I didn’t say anything, feeling that I had missed my chance to get in.

The next thing I remember is not necessarily part of the same dream but I’m not sure that it’s not contiguous either. I was walking down a winding road through a field and there was a helicopter with a spotlight shining over the field. It caught a naked man in its spotlight and I remember knowing that this naked man was responsible for some horrendous crime. A small mob closed in on the man and beat him and stabbed him with sticks until he was dead. I found a small blade about the size of a machete that I knew was from the helicopter. The blade was firing like a Gatling gun and I think it was shining it’s own spotlight somehow as well. I pointed the madly firing blade at the man’s body while I tried to figure out how to control it or make it stop. It wasn’t very accurate. While it was spitting out a constant stream of bullets, very few actually hit the man’s body. I eventually found a switch and turned off the stream of fire and the light.

I realized that I thought I’d forgotten my jacket and my phone and for a moment I thought they might be on the dead man’s body for some reason. Luckily I then realized I did have my phone and started following the winding road, thinking I had a long way to get back to work. I checked Google maps on my phone and was happy to find that it was only about a half a mile, so I started walking instead of calling for a ride or something. I vaguely recall walking between two small houses in the woods on my way and vague details possibly involving bath robes and maybe dogs (separately, not related). It pretty much fades after that and I can’t remember any more.

Dream 11

Auditions and death
Winding roads through darkened woods
Brian and his dad

Twitter @reply Etiquette (Mostly Relevant to Celebrities Who Circumvent It)

Twitter has a wonderful system in place for @replies. If you start a tweet with @username, that user will see it. Anyone who is friends with both you and the user will also see it. Anyone who is not friends with both parties will not see it. This is good. Here is why.

Let’s say that you’re friends with both Han and Chewie. Han posts “@chewie Ha! She called you a walking carpet!” You will see this reply and get to laugh along with your buds.

Now let’s say that you are not friends with Leia. Leia tweets “@Han I love you.” and Han tweets “@leia I know.” You will not see either of tweets because you are not friends with Leia and probably don’t care.

Now let’s say you are Boba Fett and actually want to see who Han has been replying to because it may help you track him down. You can go to Han’s profile page (click on their name and then click “Tweets” or go directly to their page, i.e. www.twitter.com/han) and you will see ALL their tweets, including replies to anyone. And, when used correctly, you can click on a reply and it will expand and show you the original tweet as well so you can see what the reply is referencing! Awesome!

Now here’s the problem. Some people (all celebrities, in my experience), for some reason think, “Hmm, if I just @reply, then not all my followers will see that reply. Only the recipient and anyone who is friends with us both will see. I want to force it on EVERYONE!” So they tweet something like “.@han I want my money, Solo!” or “via @han That @greedo had it coming!” or they start their reply with an open quote before the @.

Since the tweet doesn’t start with the “@” symbol, it’s not treated like a reply, but like a normal tweet and all of your followers will see it. This also means that people can’t click on the reply to see the original tweet and thus will probably have no idea what your reply is talking about. This is annoying and spammy. Let me give you an example.

I used to follow a certain celebrity on Twitter. This person interacts with his fans a lot, which is awesome. However, instead of tweeting “@superfan Thanks! I’m glad you liked it!” which would mean that I would not see his reply since I do not follow @superfan, he tweets “via @superfan Thanks! I’m glad you liked it!” and since that doesn’t start with “@” it now appears in my Twitter stream. So as he sits there replying to tons of people, my Twitter stream is flooded with all his replies which I may or may not care about. If I want to see everything he tweets, I can go to his page and see all his witty interactions (and then click on them if I want to see the tweet he is replying to), however I would rather not have my Twitter stream spammed by all these replies that were forced upon me by bypassing the “@reply” mechanic. I ended up unfollowing this person because he rendered my stream virtually useless (he also likes to write long messages simply broken down into 140 character chunks, which I also think is a misuse of Twitter, but that’s another story).

So please, stop thinking you know better. The system is designed that way for a reason. If you are replying to a tweet, just hit the reply button or start the tweet with @username of the person you are replying to. Those who want to see all your replies can, and those that don’t won’t. If you abuse the system, then the people who don’t want to see those replies have no recourse other than to unfollow you.

Keep in mind that I am just talking about replies. There are also “mentions” where you are basically just tagging someone else like, “Hey, everyone, @luke lost his hand so send him well wishes.”