Category: Flotsam and Jetsam

13
Jul
2004

Funk part 2

Because life likes to taunt us, I received a call to be a PA on a VH1 show filming for 5 days here. Well, not only would I have to quit my job to do it, but I have a band gig one of those days, so I couldn’t do it no matter what.
Don’t you hate when Opportunity knocks and you have to tell it “Sod off you bloomin’ Opportunity! I’m not home!” and then Opportunity goes next door, and you hear it having tons of fun with your neighbors as they drink and yell, and scream bad songs together (although they erroneously sing “fire all of your guns at horses” during “Born to be Wild”), and then Opportunity is like “Yo dudes! We’re out of queso! Let’s hit the store!” and they all pile into someone’s car with the stereo cranked through the crappy car speakers, and screech off down the road to get more queso, and other party supplies, and you go to sleep grumbling under your covers until you are awakened by Opportunity and your drunk neighbors bellowing more hits from the 80’s as they come back from the store and order a pizza just as the pizza place is about to close (but it’s O.K., they tip the driver very nicely) and you eventually manage to tune out the euphoria and get a few winks because you have to work your crappy job the next morning and as you leave for work you see through the bay window that Opportunity and everyone are crashed out on the couches and floors amidst pizza boxes, queso stained upholstery, Queen albums, and swim suits (from the sojourns in the jacuzzi), but it’s all O.K. because you have your red stapler.

10
Jun
2004

Invasion of the body snatchers

I was reading this entry on a friends blog, when I had the sudden urge to reply. I’m the anonymous comment you see there, which links to a picture. I didn’t mean to leave it anonymous, but when I did so accidentally, I found it amusing, and thought it lent itself to the mysterious theme of my comment.
Looking back I find the story behind my comment amusing in itself. The day before, I had been surfing Kevin Smith’s message board, and while looking through all of Mr. Smith’s old posts, someone had posted a version of that picture in a post. I took note because I thought it was a great picture, and one of those classic famous movie moments like “Soylent Green is made of people!!”
The next morning I saw Will’s post, and I immediately thought that picture would be a hilarious comment. I Googled a bit but couldn’t find it, or at least not a decent sized version of it. I later decided to look through all the hundreds of Kevin Smith’s posts to find it again. After several hundred posts, I did find it only to realize that I had forgot that this user had put a caption on the picture saying “STOP CHANGING THE FUCKING SUBJECT!”, so it was of no use to me. I went back to Google, and eventually found it. I was surprised at how difficult it was to find that pic, being such a famous movie moment.
So all in all, I ended up spending probably 3 hours or more just to satisfy my brain’s little whim, and the end result is most likely no one thinks that’s nearly as amusing as I did. I’m still very proud of it. I am determined to find more uses for that picture.

10
Jun
2004

What’d I say?

Tell your momma, tell your pa,
Gonna move you back to Arkansas.
All right, baby what’d I say?
Whoa, all right, baby what’d I say?
Oh baby, oh baby.
All right, baby, what’d I say?
Baby, what’d I say?
Oh, all right, yeah.
Baby, what’d I say?
Yeah, what’d I say?
Baby, what’d I say?
Baby, what’d I say?
Oh, what’d I say?
Baby, what’d I say?
Ah well, ah hey, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right, baby.

“Music’s been around a long time, and there’s going to be music long after Ray Charles is dead. I just want to make my mark, leave something musically good behind. If it’s a big record, that’s the frosting on the cake, but music’s the main meal.”
-Ray Charles
1930-2004

18
Apr
2004

Wake up and smell the Texan

So I’m quite distraught. Apparently, I sound like a Texan. Annika commented after watching our film that I sounded Texan. Someone in New York who I was speaking to at work made the same comment. I’m bummed. I don’t want to sound Texan.
I had always been quite happy that everyone in Texas always thinks that I’m from somewhere else, and are surprised to learn I am a native Texan. I always attributed this to the fact that I had always been into doing other accents, and I figured all those years of doing other accents had skewed my own into a more northern or more neutral accent. Many times I find myself slipping toward a more New York area type accent, although just ever so subtly. I guess my accent is so slight that Texans can’t hear it, but anyone else can. I’ll have to work on that…

11
Apr
2004

Happy Easter!

For today is the day that Jesus hid chocolate eggs from the Romans which really pissed them off ans thus they crucified him in a bunny suit for added humiliation.
Or something like that.

08
Feb
2004

Brain waste for sale.

My cousin and I come up with so many great ideas. If only someone would purchase them and do something with them.
First off, the new Mario Kart game should have been called “Mario Speedwagon”.
Secondly, someone needs to open a restaurant called “Suppernova”.
Also, PC-ness aside, there’s Hitler’s U-boat Sandwiches.
Give us a few minutes. We’ll have many more. We’re frickin’ machines.

11
Dec
2003

New “Google” Iterations

We all love Google, the search engine supreme. I recently found out that they have now branched out with Froogle, which only displays sites which sell products. So if you want find, oh let’s say an iPod for your dear friend Heath, you could type it in at Froogle and get nothing but websites that sell iPods. It also comes up with prices, but I’ve found that part can be sketchy sometimes.
This led me to wonder what other iterations Google could branch out with. They could start Zoogle, for example, which only returns pages about animals, or perhaps get even more specialized with Moogle. For us children of the 80’s, there would be MotleyCroogal. Fans of Kevin Smith movies would really dig Snoogle, while people searching for information about ghosts would hit Boogle. If you are looking for scatological information, then the very niche, Poogle, would be your thing. Need some new footwear? Shoogle! Common illness remedies? Floogle (unless the Flugle Horn Players Association wins the lawsuit).
The possibilities are endless. Google, if you’re reading you can just contact me via email to find out where to mail the check.

24
Oct
2003

God Strikes Back! A Mel Gibson Production.

Or so the Church would probably have you believe. So Mel Gibson is filming this highly controversial movie about the life of Jesus called “The Passion of Christ”. There has been all kinds of furor over this film accusing it of anti-semitism, and due to the fact that Gibson plans to release it with all dialogue in ancient Aramaic with no subtitles. When I read this article on People.com there was just no way to not find it hilarious.

STRUCK: Actor Jim Caviezel, 35, who plays Jesus in Mel Gibson’s controversial film “The Passion of Christ,” was struck by lightning during shooting, reports Variety, which quotes a producer as describing how he saw lightning come out of the actor’s ear. An assistant director on the film, Jan Michelini, also reportedly was struck — twice. The first time, a lightning fork struck his umbrella during filming in Italy, causing light burns to the tips of his fingers. A few months later, Michelini was carrying an umbrella and standing next to Caviezel. Both were hit, with the main bolt striking Caviezel while one of its forks hit Michelini’s umbrella. Neither were hurt.

In related news (not really, but conspiracy theorists could link them), check out this article on CNN.

11
Oct
2003

This NaNoWriMo thing

For anyone who is not familiar, check it out here. It sounds intriguing, but there’s no way I will be participating unless I finish my screenplay before then. If I finish my screenplay before November, then I may undertake it just for fun by taking an idea loosely based on P@’s dream about time travel but done in a silly Douglas Adams-y way. Initially his dream gave me this great idea for an action thriller screenplay with a sort of “Minority Report” atmosphere, but upon thinking about the NaNoWriMo thing, it lent itself well to my Douglas Adams-y thing too.
If I don’t finish my screenplay before November then I shall endeavor to use that time to make sure it gets finished by December. Whenever I do finish it, it is only the first draft which will need some serious re-writing and tweaking, so that may end up taking precedence anyway. We shall see what happens.