Not the good kind. Not as in “We want the funk. Gotta have the funk.” Funk as in, I’m in one. I can’t shake it. Yes this is yet another entry of Heath whines about his dissatisfaction with life in general, so feel free to move on to more enlightening reading.
The usual stuff. Job is miserable. Which generally makes it hard to really enjoy anything even when you’re not at work. I’ve come to the realization that even if I get a better job, I’m just trading one prison for a more comfy and acceptable prison where you can at least enjoy your life outside of prison. However, it would still pretty much prevent me from really pursuing the things I want to be doing. It would still be a step up though.
I kinda feel like maybe my moment has passed. I’m too entrenched in the machine of life to break out and do what I want to do. Time to wrap up the dreams in a shoebox and put them in the closet with old photos and such. Perhaps I’ve dabbled in too many things and mastered none. I just don’t feel like there’s any chance of doing any of the 100 things I want to do barring some random chance at life’s lottery.
As much as I love Austin, I still think that if I really wanted any chance of acting, voice acting, or film crew careers I would have to go to L.A. Take, for example, this excerpt from voice acting 101:

Equally important is that you really should live where the jobs are; in North America, this means Los Angeles, where most of the cartoon voice work is cast and recorded. Some actors such as David Kaye and Stephanie Morganstern are based in Canada, but they are exceptions. No one will hire you if you live in New Jersey or Texas, no matter how talented you are. When a casting call comes, you need to be there, sometimes within the hour.

I feel like I need to get to a destination that’s 5000 miles away with no vehicle, no maps, and no clue.
Ahh, enough whining for now. Trying to corral my personal mental Charybdis and put it into words just ends up as a rambly mess. I just feel bad that my frustration, and moreso my current job prevents me from really enjoying anything anymore. I have a great wife, and want to be able to not be a big bummer around her. I hate that she has to suffer due to my frustration.
Two weeks of great fun and vacation really makes you realize how much you hate your job when you come back.


7 Responses

  1. Jess says:

    I’m counting down till Annika or Will’s comment seconding that motion…
    Dear, if you think moving to LA is the only way, and you’ve got a clue about how we’ll afford it, I’ll stop trying to apply for jobs at UT and switch to UCLA.

  2. Annika says:

    I know just what you mean in your (second-to) last paragraph – Will and I have struggled with the effects of our emotions of one another. Remember that a marriage is for better or for worse (forgive the hokeyness), and don’t stifle your feelings too much in regard for hers. I can’t speak for Jess, but I know that putting on a happy face doesn’t help anything in our house.
    As far as the LA stuff goes, you know that I am biased, but moving out here is not the worst idea. It will surely be just as frustrating at first, if in different ways, but the opportunities are greater and at least you have a few connections. We still have an air mattress, and I’d promise to try to remember to water the flowering fuchsia and not Jess.
    P.S. Having seen Jess’s comment when I previewed, I must mention that I know several employees at USC and one at Southwest Law, and could get a good word put in for her.

  3. Min says:

    I think I’ve said it before, but I think that moving to LA could be a very good plan for you and Jess.
    There would be a lot to work out, especially money stuff, but I think you know it’s true: Moving to LA will be the surest way to make your dreams and goals come true in the entertainment industry.

  4. Chainsaw says:

    Do it. [/Mr. Furious as Starsky]
    I can’t do much from Seattle, but I will be a reference for you and Jess no matter where in the world you end up.
    Let me know if you want my contact info and I’ll email it to you.

  5. Simon says:

    Your great wife knows you are great too.

  6. oslowe says:

    getfreshget funkymajortomwasajunkie…
    wha? Who? Huh?
    Maps? Fuck maps! More queso!!

  7. CosmicAvatar says:

    There’s nothing wrong at being frustrated if you feel you’re plumping for second best. And don’t be afraid to share the burden with Jess; as Annika said, you’re in it together for better or worse, a problem shared is a problem halved, and various other clich�s.
    And given the encouragement/offers of support you’re getting, including the approval (with practical caveat) from your wife, this move to LA sounds like it could be a Good Thing. Perhaps you should look into it.
    Being in a job you hate is definitely not a good state of affairs. Time for a change, to LA or otherwise, methinks.

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