Indiana Jones and the Egyptian Swamp Ass

After getting myself a new improved Indiana Jones Jacket recently, it made me think: He wears this thing in the jungles of South America and the deserts of Egypt? Now, true, it was made of a very light leather (much lighter than you would think), but it’s still a dark leather jacket.

The caption at the opening simply says “South America 1936”. The Amazon basin has an average year round temperature of 80 degrees Fahrenheit (26.6 Celcius) with 90% humidity making for a heat index of 86F (30C) though the largest region (the Brazilian region) averages from 80F to 90F (26.6-32.2C) and again, the humidity will make it feel much warmer. Now true, the night time can be cool, again made to feel cooler by the humidity, but if he’s going on a trek after a fertility idol during the day, I would think he’d leave the jacket.

The Egypt scenes are a bit more plausible because when we see him walking around during the day, he does not have his jacket. The first time we see him wear it in Egypt is at night when he goes after the ark. Then he gets trapped in the Well of Souls by Belloq, and by the time he escapes it’s day again (which doesn’t seem to add up to me either, not to mention that he “escapes” by pushing out a loose stone that exits right next to an airfield the Nazis are using and yet they never checked what was in there…), and from there gets on a horse and goes after the truck with the ark on it. So I can buy that the desert gets cool at night and he wasn’t planning on wearing it during the day but then got stuck with through circumstance but even then he could have left it with Sallah and Marion before running off after the ark. That thing had to be hot in the Egyptian sun.

Lastly, I don’t know what kind of garment cleaning procedures they had in 1936, but that thing had to be pretty rank. I know how bad it can be just to be in the car with myself after an outdoor band gig, much less gallivanting around the Egyptian sun in wool pants, a long sleeve cotton shirt, Leather shoes, felt fedora and a lambskin leather jacket. I think the scene on the submarine where Marion is helping him undress and lay down in bed would have been more like, “Here, let’s get you…OH, GOD, JONES! You REEK! Do they have a shower on this sub? I mean, I’m all for sexy time but how about we begin in the shower?”

Dream Theatre #6

I thought I’d beat the “spring forward” lag by going to bed really early last night. Then I woke up at about midnight and couldn’t get back to sleep for a couple of hours, but by that point I had already had the following dream.

I came home to find Larry (one of my closest friends, creative partners and former roommate, now living in California) and Breanne (awesome person who I wish was closer friends with) lounging on my bed catching up. It was nothing romantic or anything, just the vibe of two really close friends hanging out and catching up (they never met in real life, as far as I remember). Why they were hanging out on my bed in my room is one of those mysteries that can only be answered with “It made sense and was normal in dream logic.” I was very happy to find them there as, in the dream, we had all been very close but I guess hadn’t hung out in a while or something. There was definitely a reminiscing kind of vibe. We all talked about how the period of time when we had all met had been so important and defining in our lives.

Breanne and I then reminisced about this personality test we’d had to take early on in our friendship and how we thought we’d have a lot of it in common but that I had thought that we would differ on the “Religious History” section. She hadn’t thought so and when we got the test back our scores were very close (167 and 160) and apparently I had made some joking comment back then about owing her 10 million dollars if I was wrong. I joked that I was working on becoming rich and famous so I could pay my debt.

Confessions of a Shirtless Yoga Dude

I started doing hot yoga at Sunstone Yoga a couple of years ago. I bought a a bunch of shorts and tank tops made for working out, made of “Duo-dry” material to wick the sweat away, I guess. Of course in hot yoga you end up completely drenched so there no amount of wicking in the world that can help you. Over the years there were maybe a few times when I just felt so hot or uncomfortable that I removed my shirt. Now, there are lots of guys who don’t wear shirts in class. Seems pretty common, but I always preferred to wear one, both out of consideration for the rest of the class who might catch a glimpse of my hairy and flabbier-than-I-would-like torso being contorted and compressed, despite their best efforts to just concentrate on their own practice, and because my own insecure body image issues.

However, a few weeks ago I had a turning point. I showed up to class and realized I’d accidentally grabbed 2 pairs of shorts instead of shorts and a shirt so my choices were to either just skip class and go home or do class shirtless. I found that not only was I much more comfortable but that I could concentrate on my practice much better as I wasn’t being distracted by a sopping wet, bunching up shirt. At that moment, I decided to try life as a shirtless yoga dude. Since then, I have definitely confirmed my experience and accepted my new role. It’s also been a good mental exercise on not caring what other people think (about my body or my choice to go shirtless) and to do what’s best for my own yoga practice and experience.

I still try to position myself in the back right corner though, out of consideration for my other yogis.

Previously on Dream Theatre

Since I seem to often have extremely vivid dreams, I’ve started a new category on my blog titled “Dream Theatre.” I figured I would update it with other recent dreams I’ve recounted to the friends involved. Three come to mind.

Dream #1:
My friend Akasha and I were in an empty classroom with a teacher. It was some kind of acting class. She and I were having some kind of discussion about the scene. The teacher came back and was ready to start again so I quieted down but Akasha kept on talking to me. I started getting nervous thinking the teacher was going to get mad but Akasha were determined to finish the conversation. The teacher kept waiting for Akasha to finish and then started to get annoyed and cleared his/her throat or something (at this point I can’t remember if the teacher was distinct person with a gender). Akasha just sort of put her hand up like “Excuse me, I’m finishing my thought here.”

Then the teacher started going over the scene. At this point in the dream Akasha was now the teacher and she was reading a male part opposite an actress reading the part of a little girl. I remember thinking “Why doesn’t the teacher have me read the male part instead of reading it herself? Ah, well probably because she is an actress as well and just enjoys being a part of the scene.” I figured she would then read the little girl part opposite me reading the male part.

Dream #2:
Akasha, Brian, me and a bunch of other people were at the pool of this apartment complex (felt more like a luxury hotel). Strangely, there were also some shopping aisles of shelves around the pool (see image).

Dream layout

As I looked off into the distance I saw some pictures drawn in the sky with smoke. The lower pictures were purple smoke while the upper pictures were black smoke. Clouds started to obscure the art so Brian and some of the others started walking down the road a bit to try and get a better view.

At this point I went down one of the shopping aisles (see image) and found Akasha laying curled up in a shopping cart trying to hide the fact that she was crying. She was wearing a short dress made out of of a raincoat-like material. I asked if she was OK, and she said yes. I reached out to touch her and comfort her but then became really self-conscious for a moment because my hand accidentally touched her boob. I very quickly then though “Eh, what’s the big deal? She’ll know that it was simply an accidental boob touch.”

Brian came back at that point and Akasha said “I told you they would hire a Mrs. before they would hire a Mr.” Turns out Akasha and Brian had both applied for jobs as leasing agents at the apartment complex and she’d got a call that she got the job and this is what she was upset about. Apparently she didn’t really want this job but had to take it.

I wandered off to leave them alone. Not long after they both came and joined me on the edge of this 5′ drop down to the road and Brian wanted all three of us to use our phones to take pictures of each other taking pictures of each other simultaneously because it would be so meta. Brian said he could never get his camera to work quite right though so I told him to let me take a look at it since I am the “Tech Whisperer” (a term I use in real life) and I’m sure I could figure out the problem.

Dream #3:
I had a show in this theatre space and it turned out the space was directly across from where my friend, Sharan, worked. She worked in an old 2 story house that had been converted to an office somewhere in a nice part of Austin (Hyde Park, maybe) shaded nicely by some trees . The 2 levels were separate spaces now and she was on the second level which was accessed via the external stairs up to the 2nd floor deck area where were two windows with a door in between them that had her name on the glass window filling the upper pane of the door.
I don’t think I saw her but there was someone else in the office I knew as well who came and said hi as I passed (I had to go up the stairs to house’s deck area to follow a connected walkway across to the other building/theatre space). Once across the walkway there was a stairway in a tunnel that curved downward into the theatre space.

That’s all the ones I remember/have documented descriptions of. I know there was at least one other with a bunch of friends getting together to play some games but that’s about all I remember of that one. I don’t remember any really remarkable details.

Dream #4:
Crappy night of sleep. Also I dreamed that Casey Cooper and I set off on an impromptu road trip to somewhere about 11 hours away (somewhere in NM I think). I think he lived in Dallas in the dream and I picked him up there first. Then about 10am I panicked, realizing I had to be at work and have 2 callbacks today and could never make it back in time but ran down to the bus station to see if they had a ticket to Austin. The clerks tried to let me use their automated phone system to get a ticket because that was free and if the clerk helped you book a ticket directly there was a small charge but the phone menu was very confusing and glitchy. Casey’s dad was also there now so he and Casey could drive the car back.

Headache Induced Dreams?

Yesterday as my work day was ending, a headache was starting to develop. I went to my callback, then to a table read and by the end of all that my head was killing me. The drive home was was miserable and when I got home I immediately went to bed without even eating any dinner. I slept for about 10.5 hours during which I had a couple of dreams.

In the first one, I was going to a music video shoot for one of my songs. I got there and realized I’d forgotten part of my wardrobe at home and had to go back and get it. Then, Kevin Machate, who was also working on it (producing maybe) started telling me how he also wanted a shorter radio edit (don’t worry Kevin, I promise this has nothing to do with the running time of Living With Joban). I was absolutely vehement that there would be no editing of my song. It was an organic entity with a flow and a rhythm and chopping it down would ruin all that. We got into a very heated exchange which ended when I said “Who doesn’t have 4 minutes to listen to a song?” and he replied “My sick mother, who is dying!” and stormed off.

The second dream may have taken place after the first or may be independent, I can’t remember. Me and two fictional friends named Jason and Peter (not any of the Jasons or Peters I actually know) were sitting in the living room of a condo or apartment on the ground floor of a three story building. I think it was my place, but I’m not sure. It had been pouring rain outside and the door wouldn’t stay closed. I got up and slammed the door a few times but it wouldn’t latch. that’s when I noticed it was because the door frame was very much askew. Like the whole building was leaning to the right, slightly. I pushed on the door frame and the whole building swayed a bit. Thinking that surely I was mistaken, I pushed the frame a little harder and the entire building shifted to the left and the top two floors went crashing and crumbling down into themselves and the building to the left. I was standing just outside the door frame looking in at Jason and Peter sitting on the couch and before any of us could do anything, the first floor then collapsed down into the ground and onto itself. I was now basically looking down into the sunken living room where walls and book cases and such had all fallen inward and it was mostly filled with water. I shouted for Jason and Peter but saw no signs. I knew they were most likely dead. I tried to figure out if I should jump in and start moving debris and trying to find them in the faint hope that I could save them or weather to just dial 911.

Then I woke up. On the upside, my headache was long gone and I felt well rested.

Communing With Trees

I was out taking a walk tonight, enjoying the cool, post rain air when toward the end of my walk, I experienced something strange, cool and wonderful. Suddenly as I looked at the trees around me, I saw them as living things, the same way you would see an animal. I had the urge to touch them (and I did) like you would a horse. It put the biggest smile on my face. The rest of my walk home, I was surrounded by welcoming, guarding friends.

No, I’m not on drugs. Call me weirdo, new-agey hippie or whatever. My tree friends will have sex in your nose and make you feel miserable (I apologize on their behalf if this happens regardless of what you do or do not call me…I’m fairly positive they have no control of it).

Artist in Search of a Patron

Dead Universe,
This having a full time job is really inhibiting how much I can do in pursuit of my actual passions so I’m putting out the call for a Patron. In times past there were patrons who would support artists so they could devote their time to producing art. I think that I’m a talented musician and actor and would strive mightily to be worthy of your patronage.

I know that there are people in the world for whom $30,000 a year is negligible. Barely noticeable. For me, that is a good living. So if there’s any wonderful patrons out there who like to make more of a difference in my life than words can express by donating $30k a year to the Heath Allyn Artistic Endeavors fund, that would be as good to me as winning the lottery. I could then put all my efforts into my art and making the world a more enjoyable place through my music, acting and film making efforts. $30k a year to make my dreams come true and in turn allow me to move people through my art.

Symbiotically yours,
Heath Allyn
Actor/Musician Extraordinaire

I Am A Mystery To Even Myself Sometimes

My “social inertia” as I call it, or hermit like tendency to be a loner and not leave my cave is one of my more baffling psychological traits to me. Today I get an invitation from one of my best friends, who I love hanging out with and who always recharges my soul, to go an event that I kind of wanted to go to any way, and yet still a part of brain actually considers declining to just stay home by myself and do nothing special.

I did accept the invitation but I can’t understand why there was any reaction other than “Hell yeah!” I seriously wonder if I have some kind of psychological condition or something.