Cerebral Flotsam And Jetsam - My Mental Maelstrom

26
Apr
2010
10:49

New song, “The Hunger”

Well I think I’m satisfied enough to finally let this new creation out into the world.

“The Hunger”

I’m always a bit torn as to how much to say about my music. Some people enjoy getting all the VH1 “Storytellers” type details, but on the other hand I love that music is so personal and I don’t necessarily want to color anyone’s personal journey by saying too much. I think there’s something to be said for just letting the music speak for itself and letting the listeners take whatever they will and have their own personal experience.

I will say this much: This song began when Lars asked me to write an original song for a short film he’s making. He played me a song he really liked the “feel” of and wanted me to write something similar. I planted that seed in my brain and then just let it grow. This is generally how my creative process works. Over the following weeks (maybe months, I’m not sure) that seed, rolls around in my brain, germinating, percolating. Ideas start forming. Lyrics begin to come. Then like a gestating child, I start feeling “labor pains”. Suddenly everything starts coming together more hurriedly and I can feel it wanting to come out. Then in frenzied flurry of creative outpouring, I do the heavy writing and recording.

In the end, I was extremely happy, pleased and satisfied with this song. It did what I needed it to do. I think it has the “feel” of the song Lars played me (no, I will not reveal what that was for a multitude of reasons), and yet grew off into it’s own original entity. It led me off in some musical directions that I might not normally have went down which is always fun. At the risk of saying too much and coloring your experience, I will add one final thing that surprised and amused me: I think it sort of ended up sounding like if U2 and Muse had a musical baby, even though neither of those bands was the original inspiration and, while I like U2, they’ve never been a major influence (I don’t even own any U2 music, actually).

Another side note:
After a brief experimental foray into making my music only streamable on the internet unless you bought the song to download, I’m going back to my roots and once again making all my music available to download for free (except my cover songs because I’m still figuring out the legalities of all that). You can still buy songs if you’re so inclined, or just make a donation to the paypal link if you want to support me, but it’s more important to me that anyone who wants to enjoy my music can do so and to have my music in as many people’s hands/mp3players as possible. Thanks for all your support over the years and I hope you enjoy my newest progeny.

Addendum:
“The Hunger” is my first ever use of a fade out, which normally I hate but which just felt creatively appropriate and needed here.

07
Apr
2010
0:52

I thought this was cool and positive

My friend Brian posted this on Facebook (and he of course got it from someone else so I don’t know where it originated) but it really warmed my insides. In a good way. Not like a feverish viral way or anything.

15 Things You Probably Never Knew or Thought About

  1. At least 5 people in this world love you so much they would die for you.
  2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.

  3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.

  4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don’t like you.

  5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.

  6. You mean the world to someone.

  7. If not for you, someone may not be living.

  8. You are special and unique.

  9. Someone that you don’t even know exists loves you.

  10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.

  11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.

  12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won’t get it, but if you believe in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it.

  13. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.

  14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know.

  15. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great.

A Minute:
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them.Take the time… to live and love.

If you do so, You will certainly brighten someone’s day and might change their perspective on life, for the better.

05
Apr
2010
23:56

Metamorphoses

I used to live my life utterly and completely honestly and openly on the internet. I blogged about everything, good, bad or ugly. My life was an open book for anyone to read. I enjoy being a completely open, honest person with no boundaries and I still live extremely openly on the net but sometime last year I changed a little bit. I started keeping a lot of the darker, more painful or negative things out of public view. I’m not sure what exactly changed, I just know that I decided there were some things that I just didn’t necessarily want to spew onto the web any more.

I think there are several layers to this, one being that I really want to be a positive person, and I believe what you put out into the world is what you will get back. Maybe it’s also because, while I still talk to friends in private about anything I need to, I don’t think the world at large necessarily wants to here me whine, complain and be all emo. During this process, I’ve found that being forcefully (and sometimes slightly falsely) positive about something, actually does make me feel happier and more positive in reality. That was something good to learn!

It’s also made it harder in some ways when things have been going on. The open part of me wants to share and be honest and cry out but it just doesn’t feel right any more. That’s something to do in private with those close to me. Part of me misses the days when I would share that, but I do think I’m overall happier in my new skin.

It’s been a year of a lot of changes. I’m still dealing with a whole lot of things in life, but I always try to remember as I’m going to bed that in the grand scheme of things, my life is charmed and I’m a hell of a lucky guy. And every now and then, I get a glimpse of something that shows me that I’ve taken a step closer to being the person I want to be.

30
Mar
2010
16:51

Education Through Imitation

I’ve recorded a handful of cover songs by various artists. Some were my own original take on a song such as “Tomorrow Never Knows“, “Kiss The Girl” and “Boys Of Summer” and some were painstakingly faithful reproductions such as “Because“. Some people may wonder, “Why bother re-recording someone else’s song? Especially if you’re not doing anything original but just meticulously copying the original artist.” Sometimes it’s a bit of a hybrid such as “Eleanor Rigby” which faithfully reproduces all the individual parts but replaces the string quartet with all guitars instead.

My newest cover is mostly a faithful reproduction of Butch Walker’s “Ships In A Bottle” with a little bit of my own flavor in it. I think Butch is one of the best singer/songwriters making music today so why do my own version? Well for one, it’s a tribute to him. Secondly, it’s just fun. And thirdly it’s amazingly educational. Breaking down a song, finding all the little hidden parts and nuances, listening to how it’s mixed, the effects used, the equalization across the frequency spectrum, and all the million little details of a recording educates me through osmosis. I learn to be a better producer, engineer, and songwriter not to mention honing my playing and singing chops.

These songs are only available to stream at the moment because I’m still working my way through learning the legalities and such of covering other people’s music, therefore, while I have bought some limited rights to these songs, I don’t feel comfortable offering them for download, much less for sale. If you like my versions, I highly encourage you to go out and buy the original artists’ recordings of them! Thanks for listening!

15
Mar
2010
18:01

“Vampires In Love”

Performing “Vampires In Love” by The Marvelous 3

I’m finding doing these videos fun but also enlightening. It feels a bit like performing naked. Just me, a guitar and a camera. It’s very much a feeling of being “under the microscope”. It’s not like when I record and can take my time and get things just right to my satisfaction and it’s also not like performing live where there’s the energy of the crowd and the venue and lights and all that. So in general I find myself not entirely happy with what gets recorded. It’s very humbling. However, hopefully doing these videos will improve me as a musician and performer. The important thing is that I’m doing something and not sitting on my ass thinking about doing something. And I have all of you to thank. Seeing my Facebook page jump up to 200+ fans was inspiring and the feedback I get from you and knowing that there’s at least a handful of people who care enough to to watch these means a lot to me. Music is somewhat symbiotic. Of course I do it for myself, but if no one cared or wanted to listen to me, I think it would lose a lot of it’s magic. I think almost all performers do it, at least to some degree, to entertain other people.

11
Mar
2010
0:19

New video and pondering twit-face-space-tube-buzz

So first off I’ve posted a new video:
Performing “If I Fell” by The Beatles.

Secondly, I find myself in a dilemma that can only come about in this age of twit-face-space-tube-buzz. I have my website here, my twitter account (which syncs with google Buzz and my Facebook status), my personal Facebook page and my Facebook music page. Each of these 4 mediums has some crossover people from the others and some people who are only on one of them. So if I post something like this on all the various sources, some people get spammed but if I only post it in one place then some people may never see it. For example, I first posted this on my Facebook Musician page which means that everyone who is a “fan” will see it. Then I twittered it. Some of the same people would see it there while some would only see it on one of those two places. My Twitter automatically updates my Google Buzz and the status on my personal Facebook page, which has a lot of the same people from my Music page and/or Twitter. Then I posted it here. Now this not will automatically be imported by Facebook.

So conceivably, some people could see this video link up to 6 times if they follow me on Twitter, Google Buzz, Facebook (where they will see my status and imported note), on my Facebook musician page and on my website (or newsfeed if that’s how you keep up with my website), while others may only see it once and would have missed it had I not posted it everywhere. Oy! At least I never bother with MySpace any more.

08
Mar
2010
18:02

Well now, I guess I should use my new website

Now that I’ve redesigned my website I guess I should once again start putting some content on it! As I’ve said earlier, Twitter has pretty much taken over what this blog used to do. Obviously, sometimes you want to say more than 140 characters but when I became an active Tweeter (and my Twitter updates automatically update my Facebook status too), my blogging pretty much went extinct. Maybe this new new shiny desin will encourage me to blog more in depth here.

2009 was probably the hardest, most tumultuous year of my entire life thus far. My marriage of 6 years dissolved after which I had another very intense relationship which also didn’t work out. I find myself now doing a lot of internal work in my ongoing lifelong quest to always become a better person. Still lots of wounds to heal and mourning to do. Lots of thinking, pondering trying to figure out the “right” way to live and relate to others, “right” of course, being completely subjective and individual. Searching for the path to my own growth and happiness. I feel very heavy, like there’s a lot of weight on my soul at the moment but I also do my best to remain positive and always keep perspective. Every night I try to let my final thought be of gratitude for all that I have and how wonderful my life is, even at the worst of times. Just like working out your body, your mind, emotional health and soul need to be worked out and strengthened too. Accepting our own flaws while working out those muscles to become stronger in the power of our minds and thoughts. I still fail, many times on a daily basis in many ways, but that’s O.K. And you have to accept that it’s O.K. Life is a journey and we are always growing and changing but the fact is, everything that’s every happened in my life, every person I’ve ever met, every experience good or bad, it’s all led to who I am today and I wouldn’t change that for anything.