Cerebral Flotsam And Jetsam - My Mental Maelstrom


Another Mitch Hedberg Possession

I think Mitch’s Spirit once again paid me a visit this morning. This is what he said:

My friend gave me some toast. I said “Hey, is this ‘I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter’ on this toast? He said “No.” I said “I can’t believe it. I can’t believe it’s not ‘I can’t believe it’s not butter.'”



I’ve had several conversations recently about the subject of attraction, so I decided to collect many of the interesting points here (some direct quotes from emails, blog discussions and such). I’ve always been very happy that Jess and I are completely on the same page regarding attraction. Most people have completely unreasonable expectations of relationships and think that when someone falls in love with you, this turns off some magical brain switch and they are never supposed to find anyone else attractive again. I think Soupytwist wrote a great article about it here. Relationships are a choice. They don’t mean you stop being human, and stop finding people attractive, they just mean that you commit to that one person and choose to be with only them (of course there are some who believe in “open marriages”, polygamy, etc., but that is outside the scope of this particular discussion).

Continue reading…


“Don’t F$@# with Us!”

So my friend, Larry, who works on the Austin Movie Show with me had this idea for a Quentin Tarantino Musical, featuring the Rodgers and Hammerstein composition, “Don’t Fuck With Us!” Naturally, I decided I needed to record this song so we could film this piece. The results amused me.
I present, “Don’t F$@# With Us!”
And while I think it’s funnier when bleeped (and that’s how it will air) we had to have the unedited version just for fun.


Do I just look helpful?

I must have a helpful looking face. On Sunday, I was outside playing guitar, waiting for my friend Larry to get here. Over the course of the next half hour or so, about 5 different older people stopped to ask me if I could tell them where apartment 127 was. Larry witnessed 3 of them I think.
Then, tonight, we were in the grocery store. Now keep in mind, I was wearing a wildly colored and patterned paisley kind of shirt. This lady stops me and asks “do you work here?” I said “No, but maybe I can help you anyway.” She proceeded to try and relay her request to me in her heavily accented voice, but I couldn’t quite understand what she was looking for. She kept saying what sounded like “cooler”. She was searching for something in dairy I think and we were right in front of the dairy cooler, but I could not decipher her need. I thought I’d nailed it with “Cool Whip”, but that proved to be wrong. Eventually she smiled and said she would go find the employee who had directed her over in this general direction and get them to help her. As we walked on, wondering what it is about me that seems to make people want to ask me for assistance, we were extra amused that anyone could see me in the shirt I was wearing and wonder if I worked at Randalls.
The strangest part is that this happens to me fairly frequently when I’m in a shop or wherever. People often seem to think I work there regardless of how much my clothes may not at all resemble employee clothes. Maybe I just always look like I confidently know what I’m doing.


Stay away from Listerine “Arctic Mint”

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like any “flavor” (and I use the term loosely) of Listerine is nummylicious or anything, but “Arctic Mint” is downright vile. It’s bright blue hue should be your first indicator that using it is like what I imagine gargling with anti-freeze might be like. Then, as if you haven’t been through enough in that 30 seconds of swishing this rancid concoction around in your mouth like some drunken alien’s urine sample, it also leaves a strange taste and dry feeling as a long lasting reminder of the violation that just traumatized your poor orifice.
The green “Fresh Mint” is tolerable, though.



I read this on Butch Walker’s myspace blog. I don’t know where he got it, but he said it was written by David Eggars. It’s extremely long, but I think well worth the read. I found it inspiring and it expressed a lot of things I feel.

Continue reading…


Music Meme

Finally getting around to doing this music meme from Annika’s blog.
Step 1: Put your MP3 player or whatever on random.
Step 2: Post the first line from the first 20 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing the song.
Step 3: Post and let everyone you know guess what song and artist the lines come from.

Continue reading…


In case you didn’t know…

Arrested Development is one of the best TV shows ever aired in the history of television. Consistently brilliant. It’s one of those shows that I kept hearing about over and over again until I finally broke down and started watching it from the beginning. I’m glad I did. Genius.


Google’s World Domination plan continues

So today I found Google’s new Google Calendar. So far, I’m impressed. As of yet, Google Groups has not been able to steal me from Yahoo groups, as Google doesn’t have nearly as many built in functions (though I’m sure it will only keep improving), but so far, the calendar has impressed me. It is one step closer to converting me form Yahoo.
You can have several different calendars in one such as personal, work related, etc. Then you can view all your entries at once or just view the ones you want. you can invite friends to events on your calendar, and share calendars with friends, co-workers or whoever. I’ve only just started playing with it, but thus far, I likey.



Stolen from Annika!

Instructions: Go to Wikipedia and look up your birth day (excluding the year). List three events, two births and one death in your journal, including the year.

December 28


  • 1836 – South Australia and Adelaide are founded.
  • 1895 – The Lumière brothers have their first paying audience at the Grand Cafe in Boulevard des Capucines marking the debut of the cinema.
  • 1897 – The play Cyrano de Bergerac, by Edmond Rostand, premieres in Paris.


  • 1922 – Stan Lee, American comic book writer
  • 1933 – Nichelle Nichols, American actress and singer


  • 1984 – Sam Peckinpah, American film director (b. 1925)