Doing this movie has been one of the coolest experiences of my life so far. It’s the closest I’ve ever come to living the life that’s been in my head for as long as I can remember. It feels right. Living at the Ranch Studios while filming has also added a strange summer-camp-like feel to it all. Being away from home, going through this experience, meeting all these incredible people, and playing a very intense and twisted person has somehow turned up my emotional sensitivity. I find that everything I feel at the moment, I feel very deeply.
I’ve been very introspective and pensive. Sometimes alone and yet somehow reveling in it. I’ve written before about how, often in my life, I’ve felt a general disconnect with the world at large, like I’m some kind of alien and just not quite the same as the rest of the world. There’s been some of that and yet also some very wonderful moments of connection. Sometimes this heightened sensitivity is invigorating and other times it brings a certain melancholy.
When I was much younger I always thought that if I got a “real job” besides acting or music that it would be either as a psychologist or a psychiatrist. I have a very analytical brain and I’m always analyzing motivations, actions and emotions trying to decipher the hidden code. I’m usually pretty damn good at it too. I think I have a pretty good understanding of of it all but sometimes there is still “magic” that I can’t quite reverse engineer. Part of me is endlessly frustrated by things I can’t figure out but I guess it’s always fun to have more mysteries to investigate too. I’m just bursting with a million things inside me right now. Interesting times.