Or to paraphrase Jay speaking about Silent Bob, “Meet my hetero lifemate, Larry.”
I thought I had written about this before but I couldn’t find anything in my archives. A while back I got out of bed to find some guys on my balcony fixing up our balcony railing. We live in a condo complex and pay an exorbitant homeowner’s fee so we don’t have to do any outside maintenance. As I noticed this older, buzzcut gentleman on our balcony, Larry emerged from his bedroom, also just having woke up. We opened the sliding door and asked if it would be helpful to move our patio furniture inside while he replaced the railing.
As we reflected on this later, we realized what it must have looked like, both of us in pajamas and rumpled hair, obviously just rolling out of bed at noon. This led to great amusement and a comedy skit with an ignorant bigot yelling “Fags go home! Go back to where you came from! Go back to…uhh…Fagtopia or whatever!”
Then yesterday we were both in the grocery store (where we are frequently seen together) in our pajamas buying hair dye and ice cream. When the cashier looked at the receipt and correctly pronounced Larry’s last name, I remarked how the last time a cashier there had tried to thank us, she had mangled Larry’s last name. It was at this point that it hit me that this was yet another moment when we must have seemed like the gayest hetero non-couple in existence. It probably didn’t help that I also had one thumbnail painted with a sparkly prism nail polish that looks green and purple depending on how the light hits it.