There’s No Place Like A Garriott Party

Saturday night we were once again part of the secret ninja group of performers who helped present one of Richard Garriott’s famous parties. Guests were told to come out a good old “barn raising” party to help out with the construction of Richard’s new house. As guests arrived they were led in groups through a tour of the construction site of Richard’s new house and shown the blue prints.

At one point when the guests were in deep in the foundation, they started hearing some serious thunder and storm sounds (courtesy of some very realistic sound effects). They were led to the “wine cellar” for safety. The “Wine Cellar” was actually the disguised inside of a moving truck. Once the guests were inside, they closed the “storm doors” and the truck started barreling down the hill with the guests inside in complete darkness wondering what was going on.
When the truck stopped and the doors opened, the guests found themselves in “The Land Of Oz”. Some of you may remember us talking about this land when we participated in his “Christmas in September” party. There is basically a mini village built there which in this case was made up to look like Oz. There was a wood castle where the wicked witch resided, and a big facade of the emerald city, as well as the dirt trail painted like the “yellow brick road”.
The guests were greeted by Glinda the good witch asking if they were “a good witch or a bad witch”. “Munchkins” did their best to “beautify” the guests Oz-style by spraying their hair strange colors, giving them various vests, glasses, hats, and other accessories in a suitably colorful and wacky “Oz” style. Soon they were led to the Mayor (Richard himself), the Coroner and Dorothy (played by Kelly, Richard’s girlfriend). They were told that to get home, they would need to see the Wizard or the Witch. Some were told to see the Wizard, and some, the Witch.
They would then find that they could not get in to see the Wizard or the Witch unless they had tokens of courage, brains, and heart from the Cowardly Lion, The Scarecrow, and The Tin Man. The Lion would make them walk a rope bridge to get his medal of courage, and The Scarecrow would give them a diploma if they could beat her at a chess-like game (which wasn’t hard since she was a very ditzy, Daisy Duke type of Scarecrow).
Then there was me, The Tin Man. I was a sleazy lounge lizard who was all about getting the fine ladies. To get a piece of my heart, they had to do whatever the hell I felt like making them do at that particular time. The most common task I had them do was to give me tips on getting the fine ladies. Every lady I met that night was a “fine lady” in my eyes, and every man would be asked for advice on the basis that they “obviously knew a thing or two about getting fine ladies”.
I was given all manner of cheesy pick up lines, techniques and heartfelt tidbits of advice. It was pretty much just me improving in character all night which was a blast. I think my personal favorite moments were a few times when there were large groups of people waiting to see me to get a piece of my heart, so instead of dealing with each group individually while the rest waited in line, I solicited the help of the whole group. I told them that chicks dig love songs so we needed to sing really loudly to attract the fine ladies like a mating call. None of those mushy “I love you” songs. Real love songs. Now KISS, there’s a band who knows love songs! On one occasion I had a large crowd of people singing “No place for hiding baby, nowhere to run! You pulled the trigger on my…(accompanied by air guitar on my ax) duh-nuh-nuh-nuh, duh-nuh-nuh-nuh, duh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh…LOVE GUN!” I would then inform them of the “little known fact” that “Love Gun” was a subtle poetic metaphor for their private parts. On another occasion I had another large group singing loudly “Baby, let’s put the X in sex! Love is like a muscle and you make me wanna flex!”
Sometimes I would have groups rate the pieces of advice I had been given throughout the night. One of the more popular lines was “I’m not just The Tin Man. Once you get to know me, I’m the ten-der man.” Other memorable gems of advice:
“Can I whisper it to you?” *whispered a secret message which left me speechless and smiling*
“Do you have a metal penis?”
“Wear an undershirt”
“Man-scaping”
I had a phenomenally great time and felt completely “in my element”. The crowd seemed to love me too. I often told people they should see the witch because she was hot, and that I had “a broomstick she could ride! And by ‘broomstick’ I mean my penis!” I would warn them to watch out for flying monkey poo, however. You think birds are bad? Get an umbrella, that’s all I’m saying. I advised those who were “pimped out Oz-style” in their glittery green glasses the Munchkins had dressed some of them up with were advised to keep them on as “monkey poo stings if it gets in your eyes”.
I also would tell them they needed to see The Scarecrow who also “was hot! I’d like to stuff that scarecrow!”
At the end of the night everyone gathered in the replica of the Globe Theatre where we had previously performed “A Christmas Carol” for the showdown between the Wizard and the Witch. We had a few lines on stage before the back and forth started between the Wizard and the Witch. At the end, he threw water on her and she “melted” into the trap door on the stage as smoke was pumped out. On the way down she threw her spell at him and he was pulled up by a harness and disappeared into the Heavens (the roof above the stage). Glinda then came out to let the audience know that they had the power to go home all along! They just had to click their heels together and say “There’s no place like home!” three times. At that point a curtain on the stage was pulled up into the heavens revealing a Texas swing band which played for about an hour.
We went home exhausted but highly satisfied with a great night. We then got up early the next morning to go tubing down the Guadalupe with some friends for Jess’s birthday. After spending the day on the river, we came home, showered and went out for some kick ass Indian food. At the end of the night we hung out at the house for a bit before collapsing in exhaustion for a good night of sleep.
Today being the Fourth of July, we have just relaxed t the house. We both decided to pop all the keys off of our keyboards and clean all the keys and under them all. Good thing too because both of us were quite surprised how nasty it was under there. Our plans for the rest of the day pretty much consist of seeing a movie, and taking it easy with friends. I’m sure you will see more details from Jess soon on her birthday weekend extravaganza, as well as her revolutionary Munchkin movement, her birthday present from me and much more!