Author: Heath

Or to paraphrase Jay speaking about Silent Bob, “Meet my hetero lifemate, Larry.”
I thought I had written about this before but I couldn’t find anything in my archives. A while back I got out of bed to find some guys on my balcony fixing up our balcony railing. We live in a condo complex and pay an exorbitant homeowner’s fee so we don’t have to do any outside maintenance. As I noticed this older, buzzcut gentleman on our balcony, Larry emerged from his bedroom, also just having woke up. We opened the sliding door and asked if it would be helpful to move our patio furniture inside while he replaced the railing.
As we reflected on this later, we realized what it must have looked like, both of us in pajamas and rumpled hair, obviously just rolling out of bed at noon. This led to great amusement and a comedy skit with an ignorant bigot yelling “Fags go home! Go back to where you came from! Go back to…uhh…Fagtopia or whatever!”
Then yesterday we were both in the grocery store (where we are frequently seen together) in our pajamas buying hair dye and ice cream. When the cashier looked at the receipt and correctly pronounced Larry’s last name, I remarked how the last time a cashier there had tried to thank us, she had mangled Larry’s last name. It was at this point that it hit me that this was yet another moment when we must have seemed like the gayest hetero non-couple in existence. It probably didn’t help that I also had one thumbnail painted with a sparkly prism nail polish that looks green and purple depending on how the light hits it.

Twas a nice Xmas in our household with much good loot to be had. Among all my goods were this T-qualizer shirt that actually lights up in reaction to sound, my stealth Converse, and a Utilikilt. I think I should wear them all at once. I did wear my T-qualizer shirt to my band’s new years eve gig. It was quite the spectacle.
We also went to Lake Charles to visit Larry’s family and to pick ujp his new used car. We watched Rocky I-IV, then saw Rocky Balboa which was actually pretty good. A nice bookend to Rocky I. We didn’t get a chance to watch Rocky v yet, which most people think is one of the worst, but a few people I know think it was actually pretty good, and I certainly don’t see how it could be worse than Rocky IV which was just a commercial cliché ’80s stereotype all around.
We also watched a lot of Larry’s Twilight Zone DVDs. I’d forgotten how much I liked the original show. I’m seriously thinking of getting the complete collection from Amazon.
For my birthday, I really wanted some Bluebell Birthday Cake ice cream. We’d had it once before and it was one of the best ice creams ever. Sadly it is a “rotational” flavor so it comes and goes. We hadn’t seen any in quite some time. In Lake Charles, we did find some “King Cake” ice cream based on the Mardi Gras King Cake. We got some of that, and Larry’s mom made me a chocolate cake. The combination of cake and this ice cream was definitely a worthy substitute. I ate way too much of it. Larry’s mom kept us well fed all around. She made us some of the best Spinach Artichoke dip ever, and even the chili dogs she made were awesome. never thought chili dogs could be that special, but hers made me a fan!
We’re planning on still having some kind of get belated together for my birthday and it may involve Lazer Tag, which was a blast when Larry and I went with his visiting friend. All in all, a nice holiday season.

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We (like most of the world, probably) suffer the lovely double whammy of spending money we don’t really have because we love getting cool things for the people in our lives and yet at the same time we end up feeling inadequate and guilty because there are so many wonderful people in our lives and therefore we do even a handful of them justice, much less, all or even most of them.

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