Cerebral Flotsam And Jetsam - My Mental Maelstrom

27
Jul
2022
23:58

Dream Theatre 72

In this dream I went into a restaurant to get some food. I think it was a Freebird’s Burrito place. Maybe a Torchy’s Tacos, I’m not sure. I knew that this place was near where my ex lived so I sort of half-wondered if I might run into her. I stopped in my tracks a bit when I saw someone who looked like her husband and I was trying to figure out if it was him. Then I saw her turn around and look at me, but ironically the guy was not her husband, just some stranger.

She looked surprised but not unhappy to see me and we both kind of smiled and I could tell we were both sort of trying to figure out if we should hug or not. I wanted to. We ended up staying about 10 feet or so apart as we said our hellos and she grabbed her food on her way out. Of course I overanalyzed this and thought “Are we just not hugging because of the pandemic and such or did she not want to hug me?”

She said something to the cashier along the lines of “Hey, take care of that guy,” like she was a regular and was letting the cashier know that she knew me and to give me a good deal or something.

Then I woke up.

12
Jun
2022
17:27

Body Dysmorphia

Sometimes I get something rolling around in the old noggin that wants to come out. Usually it’s partially for my own processing but more so because I think it’s important for people who experience the same things to know they aren’t alone and that often people you would never expect, share the same struggles.

As I was winding down last night and having a shower, I realized just how much self-loathing I had for this meat suit I walk around inhabiting. I loathe my physical form. Detest my body. I realized just how strong and pervasive that negative voice is. First, I think a little relevant personal history is in order.

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28
Apr
2022
1:31

Nord Stage 3 Compact Review

Nord Stage 3

I love it. I love everything about it. The sounds. The quality. The efficient and smart design of every facet of it. The more I dig into the more I’m just blown away by it and can understand why it’s a professional standard seen on the biggest stages around the world and in seemingly every television or video performance I see. Yes, they are crazy expensive, and worth more than many used cars but now I understand why. They are hand-built in Stockholm. The side caps and pitch bend stick are made of wood. The wood pitch sticks are all hand-carved by a man named Aaby Henriksson who is now in his 80s. Of course you can find endless information on line about specs, features, details and all, but so much of the ingenious design is in the more subtle things that you feel when you’re using it and hard to quantify in words. I have yet to encounter a single moment of wondering why they did something a certain way or wishing they had done it a different way. With so many knobs and buttons on the keyboard itself, you are very rarely diving into any menus. Many of the controls have other functions as well if you use the Shift key or hold them down which makes for more efficiency and simplicity without trying to find room to add even more controls which might start bordering on overwhelming and would also surely add to the already sizable expense, but also thanks to the smart design, is also just unnecessary.

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15
Mar
2022
16:04

Making Love Songs Like Jim Steinman Did, Y’all

Apparently, I never chronicled the release of this song here on my blog, only on social media. I had this idea many years ago but never actually wrote it until suddenly in August of 2021 I just had the urge and spat it out very quickly. I then set about trying to recreate the song “Making Love Out Of Nothing At All” by Air Supply which was written by Jim Steinman who wrote all of Meat Loaf’s hits as well as “Total Eclipse Of The Heart” and others. He definitely had a very signature style and I loved his epic, very theatrical sound. I decided to re-write the lyrics to be a formula on how to pen a Steinmanesque tune and tried to painstakingly recreate the music of the original as close as I could.

11
Mar
2022
18:26

Time Capsule To A Younger Me

Just sitting in a recliner in an AirBNB, reading a script for a possible future project, waiting for my call sheet to see when I film the next two days, had to turn down an audition because I won’t be back before it’s due, then when I get back I shoot a couple of things for Zero World and jump on several VO projects as well, prepare for some road shows with Texas Comedies, finish some original music for and make an appearance in a film with an awesome team, prepare for a quirky, original play coming up, and various practices and gigs with various bands. So I take this moment to project this back through time to a younger Heath with artistic dreams to say this: we are far from where we want to be (at times it feels astronomically far), and can often feel frustrated, stagnant, and weary, and want to give it all up yet also know that we could never be happy and fulfilled following any other path, but all in all in the big picture, we’re doing alright, kid. We’re doing alright. And most of all, we’re good people with a good head and a good heart. #gratitude