Wait
Sticky memories
Things learned when young, stay ingrained
Easily recalled
12
Nov
2020
20:51
Author: Heath
31
Oct
2020
18:06
Existential Crises
For a long time now I’ve battled with the dichotomy of my chosen careers, specifically the acting world. Acting is one of the things that fulfills me like little else. I feel completely in my element, satiated on the deepest spiritual level, and like it is one of my prime purposes for existence. I can’t imagine ever being completely happy without it in my life.
And yet, the reality is that it also causes me great unhappiness for what may be a majority of the time. It fairly constantly makes me feel “not enough,” “not as good as,” and makes me wonder what is wrong with me that I can’t see that keeps people from loving me more.
Luckily, I am a very self-aware person who has traveled far on my perpetual spiritual journey, and I know that those feelings are all ego-based. Unfortunately, that doesn’t mean I have a solution or am able to not feel them. Every day I have the internal argument of thinking that if something causes that much internal strife, then maybe it’s something you should remove from your life, and yet I just can’t imagine doing that and being even remotely happy. It’s a quandary.
So I just try to take my own advice of “Keep your head down and do good work,” and continue working on myself, being present, letting go of ego, and just trying to better tomorrow than I am today. It’s just strange that something can feel so a part of me, so necessary to feed my soul, and yet make me so happy and unhappy simultaneously. She’s a strange mistress, the muse.
31
Oct
2020
16:40
12
Oct
2020
20:03
Vox Populi Covering “I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend” By The Rubinoos
Vox Populi, The fun power pop cover trio I formed with David Houston and Matt Patterson put out our latest quarantine cover collaboration, “I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend” by The Rubinoos. A really fun, boppy, tasty power pop treat!
12
Oct
2020
20:00
15
Sep
2020
2:06
Dream Theatre 59
In this dream I had secured a dream of a gig for me (no pun intended). I was going to play guitar for Butch Walker, one of my biggest musical influences and inspirations, for a gig. We had convened for a couple of rehearsals at his rehearsal space, and on the second (and last) day of rehearsals, I thought a couple of my guitars might be missing. In this dream logic, I couldn’t quite be sure because there were so many guitars hanging from racks, that going through them was like going through lots of tightly packed shirts in a closet, so I wasn’t positive that my guitars were missing, but I was pretty sure.
Continue reading…15
Sep
2020
1:44
27
Aug
2020
20:55
Consent
A long time ago, there was someone who decided it was best for us to cut all contact. Since that time, we have been in contact a handful of times, but always regarding a specific logistical detail or such and always initiated by them. In my mind, I was like a vampire who had been “Uninvited.” I recently had need to get some details from them and even though I knew they would be fine with that, at first I refused to contact them. Because I felt it was “against the rule” that they set forth so long ago and that has not explicitly been rescinded. Eventually, I decided to contact them anyway as I knew they would understand. I kept it very formal, neutral and simply asked for the information I needed. They responded, equally neutrally and formally with the relevant information.
Continue reading…27
Aug
2020
20:51
25
Aug
2020
0:36
Goodnight, Good Girl
I just learned from my ex’s brother that Kaylee, the dog that I shared while I was together with my ex, Elly, had to be euthanized about a month ago. I still vividly remember the first time I ever met Kaylee. Before Elly and I were dating, I went to pick her up from her house so she could help me with some back up vocals on a song and was greeted with Kaylee’s boundless, puppy-like love and enthusiasm, which I would learn over time was one of her signature traits. After Elly and I started dating, since I was a freelancer and therefore home a lot more than Elly, Kaylee and I really bonded. I can still see her signature butt waggle whenever one or both of us would get home. Whenever I would walk Kaylee past the Starbucks by our place, she would always pull toward it, thinking that Elly would be coming out of the door since she often stopped there when all 3 of us walked together.
Continue reading…