Roadblock to Destiny

The title just seemed appropriate to my current life mood. I’ve mentioned this feeling before, but it’s never been stronger than now. The feeling that I know my destination in life, but yet I seem to find my way there. I took the wrong exit, and there is no maps.yahoo.com equivalent.
I’m not even talking about my ultimate goals of fame and stardom as an actor and musician, I’m just talking about my more feasible goals, although admittedly even my “feasible” goals are still pretty outlandish. I can’t even begin to remotely express my thoughts so I’ll ramble as best I can. For example:
Working as a Production Assistant on Film/TV projects. There is a decent amount of work in Texas in this field (although less since so many productions are going to Canada now), and yet it seems as out of reach as anything. One thing I’ve learned more and more in every aspect of life, is that it’s much more who you know, and not what you know. I submit my (albeit tiny) resume for every project that comes up, and I get nothing. I’ve even called camera rental businesses, props places, and any other production related businesses here just to try and find a job that’s at least involved in the industry, but none are hiring of course, and many are actually just basically kind of one or two person operations. There’s even an actual studio complex in Austin. Hard to break into the biz as it were. You basically start out doing anything and everything you can, a lot of it for free just to get experience and contacts. My uncle is a professional Director Of Photography and has been for over 20 years, and even he has found work to be lean lately, but I admire him so much because he is doing it for a good living. He has worked and raised a family strictly doing freelance cameraman/DP work. However, as previously mentioned, he paid his dues early on. He didn’t’ just jump into immediately working full time in the film industry. Now he has lots of contacts from all his years of work, and that gets him more work. The few production assistant jobs I have done have been as a result of his recommendation. Of course if I get a “real” job, that pretty much makes pursuing these types of things impossible.
There’s also a decent gaming industry in Austin. As far as “real” jobs go, I could dig working in the gaming industry. Of course, this also follows a similar pattern to the one above. Knowing the right people. I’ve actually seen 2 jobs which I’ve applied for. One as “Assistant Community Manager” for Star Wars Galaxies, and one for an “in-game support” position with another game. Chances of getting either are only slightly more than my chances of winning the lottery, and these are entry level positions.

Almost all accounts I’ve read about people getting jobs in the industry were things like “back when I was flipping burgers I played D&D with this guy who wrote a Zork parody, and this guy who worked for a game company hired him. Later after working for several game companies in progressively better jobs, they needed someone and he called me”.
Then there’s the music thing. Now being a musician in Austin is basically like being an actor in L.A. It’s a great place for music, but it’s also super saturated with musicians. Again, it’s a long term hang around the scene, get to know people, make contacts, and get your name out. Not something you’re going to accomplish overnight.
Now while I may sound all frustrated doom and gloom, there is an upside too. Since I’ve been here I’ve been on several auditions, sent out tons of acting and film crew resumes, and I’m going back in the studio tomorrow for another session of work on our new CD. Basically the only real chance I have is if Jess can get a good job, and thus allow me to be a slacker (financially) until I can get established. I really don’t think anything I want to do is possible when working a full time office job that’s in no way related to what you want to be doing. Especially for the acting/crew work, since you need to be available for the jobs, and if it’s a paying job it’s most likely not just an “after business hours” job. If it weren’t for the need for money, I wouldn’t even really mind my state of affairs. I don’t mind the auditions, and the working your way to where you want to be. It’s all the need for money to pay bills that creates the tension. Oh, how I do NOT look forward to getting another “job” I don’t really care about except for the paycheck.
My mind is quite a jumble and expressing this all coherently is becoming more and more difficult as I try to put it into words. Basically, life is good, Austin is good, and the world is my burrito, but it’s just a frustrating time. It’s like I can see exactly where I should be. In fact I can see several options of where I should be, but I’m trapped in one of those crazy entrapment mirrors, like General Zod in Superman. I can see everyone else there, and there’s a me-shaped space of emptiness. I’m a nuclear bomb of potential, undiscovered in a sealed box buried next to Jimmy Hoffa, underneath the secret bungalow where Elvis lives with Amelia Earheart.
Grr. Argh. Jane, get me off this crazy thing.
Hmm, someday, maybe I’ll finish my damn screenplay. It’s really going to be good, if it’s not killed by laziness. Right, well it’s always good to end on a random trail off long after you’ve lost all momentum and readers…