Category: Flotsam and Jetsam

A quick aside: since I couldn’t take the pressure of supplying a haiku every day, I’ve decided to change my methods to instead post a new haiku with each new entry I make. Sometimes it may just be a haiku relating to the entry, others just a random inspiration. We now return you to your regularly scheduled post.

Apparently I’ve been “tagged” by some look-looks.

It’s the Caesar’s Bath Meme game. You list five things that people in your circle of friends or peer group are wild about, but you can’t really understand the fuss over. To use the words of Caesar (from History of the World Part I), “Nice. Nice. Not thrilling…but nice.”

1. American Idol (and by extension reality TV in general)
   I don’t get it, I’ve never got it, and I don’t want to get it.
2. Tied for second (only because I’d feel redundant making two entries about musical artists), Bob Dylan and The Greatful Dead
   Neither has ever done anything for me, and I don’t mean in the sense that they’ve never lent me money or washed my dishes, but musically they’ve just never floated my boat (also not to be taken literally).
3. Pet Sounds by The Beach Boys
   This one pains me to admit. This is probably one of the single most influential albums ever. It seems like every musician, band, songwriter, and hell, probably mimes, bus drivers, accountants and every other profession in the world seem to list this album as one of the great masterpieces of all time. I can appreciate it on a technical level with it’s masterful harmonies, orchestration, and incredible vision and innovation for it’s time, but at the end of it all it leaves me feeling very much like the line that inspired this exercise: “Nice. Nice. Not thrilling…but nice.” I’ve probably just been put on some secret musician blacklist for writing this. I plan on giving it more attentio in the future and maybe, when I’m ready, it will unveil itself to me like a burrito whose tortilla has fallen open.
4. Blue Velvet
   Another example of something I’ve always heard exalted as some incredible classic, and one of Lynch’s greatest works. It did nothing for me at all. I far prefer Mulholland Drive for a Lynchian Mind Fuck movie.
5. Getting Drunk
   Most of my personal experiences with this were completely miserable and ended with firehose-like power vomiting. The few occasions where I managed to get drunk but not too drunk were just completely “meh.” No thrill. I think my body just doesn’t agree with alcohol. I certainly can’t stand the taste of it. What few alcoholic drinks I can tolerate, I generally think would taste even better without the alcohol in them. On the whole I’d far prefer some chocolate milk or a soda (or some low carb chocolate milk or a diet soda now that I’ve given up sugar). Generally speaking I don’t like people very much when they’re drunk either. They seem fake, obnoxious, and I feel like there’s a think haze between me and them that completely prevents me from “connecting” with them on any real personal level. I can understand people who genuinely like a certain alcoholic beverage and wish to partake a little, but the whole drinking to purposefully get utterly Sheen-faced with complete intent and purpose completely baffles me and makes me feel like I’m from another planet observing the strange behavior of these ugly bags of mostly water known as Yoo-Mons!

Now the disclaimer: That is not meant to be “judgmental” or criticizing of anyone who does drink. I fully support “to each their own” and realize that the above statement is a sweeping generalization which does not blanketly apply to everyone. It’s just my own personal feelings from my own experiences. I do not think less of anyone who drinks or have any kind of lack of respect or other condescending view of them. Many of my favorite people drink and get drunk. This disclaimer is brought to you by the letter B and a grant from the Chubb Foundation.

First a quick update not worthy of its own post. We spent memorial day weekend in Dallas with my friend Esteban totally vegging out and playnig video games all damn weekend. I will be buying Mario Golf:Toadstool Tour for the Gamecube.
Next order of business:
I don’t do a lot of these test type thingies, but this one amused me and I thought it was quite accurate. However since I’m considered borderline in 3 of the 4 traits that means I could very easily be part of any of the listed groups as long as they have the “Arrogant” trait in them.
I’d say that’s pretty accurate in that I do think very highly of myself, I just don’t think that anyone else thinks highly of me. My self esteem is great. It’s other’s esteem of me that I always fear sucks.

Continue reading…

While “24” is still a kick ass show, I’ve found several amusing anomalies lately. For one, they seem to have become very loose with their “real time” format. A few of the many transgressions this season:
Apparently every location in Los Angeles is only a few miles from CTU as it never takes them long to get to or from any particular location.
Just last night they managed to call a cab company to inquire about their logs from the week before, get in touch with the particular driver they needed to speak to and get all the information they needed from him in one single commercial break.
A roomful of politicians who were rousted at 5 a.m. for an emergency meeting were all at the capital and dressed in full suits and ties in less than 15 minutes!
My most amusing moment is not time related: Jack, riding in a helicopter having a tender heart to heart cell phone conversation with Audrey, hangs up the cell phone and puts on one of the helicopter headsets (which are necessary when riding in helicopters due to the noise) to hear and speak to the agent sitting right next to him. Damn, he must have a kick ass cell phone.

A few years back I discovered Porrasturvat, an addictively fun little “game” where you shove a guy down the stairs and get points from his injuries. I decided to check it out again and found a new version involving a truck now. Try either one, and you will be addicted.

I had a very strange dream the other night. I was at a party hanging out with Amy Poehler (she’s currently on Saturday Night Live and co-anchors Weekend Update with Tina Fey). In my dream, we were outside chatting, laughing, and generally flirting and having a good time. At one point she grabbed my arms and started swinging me around in a circle, slowly pulling me closer and closer until we stopped and she started to kiss me. I stopped her and said we couldn’t do that as we were both married. This actually just caused her crush on me to deepen, a my virtuousness was admirable to her.
I awoke and had to laugh to myself at how completely random this dream seemed to me since, while I’ve always thought Amy Poehler seemed like a really cool, talented and pretty performer who I’d probably be great friends with, I’d never had any kind of infatuation with her or anything. Now, however, my theoretical friendship with Amy Poehler is a bit awkward. We’re both cool though.

For the moment I’ve moved just this page (the “Human” section) back to Movable Type until I work out a few things with WordPress. My home page will remain on WordPress as it is much simpler than this section.

One of the most brilliant comics ever to make me laugh my ass off has died. Details are just hitting the news agencies. I heard about this early this morning but couldn’t confirm it until now. Comedy has lost a legend, even if many people have never heard of him. I even wrote a part for him in my screenplay with a bit of dialogue based on one of his stand up bits. I am actually quite surprised at how much his death has affected me. I had the pleasure of seeing him live three different times, and even getting a picture with him on one occasion.

I highly recommend grabbing this great package of his two CD’s and a DVD. I’m trying to come up with some witty Mitch-like quip here, but it’s not happening. File this under “D” for “Damn”. It’s right next to “Donut”.

In addition to his CD’s there’s a great thread here with a lot of his jokes that people saw him do live but aren’t on wither of his CD’s.

And now my lame attempt at diffusing tragedy with a poor emulation of how I imagine Mitch in the great beyond:

[mitch emulation]
Man, when I first got here, there was this blinding white light and these voices saying “Mitchell, go towards the light..” I said “not until you install a dimmer or perhaps issue some incorporeal sunglasses. That is too damn bright. Perhaps you should consider a lower wattage.”
[/mitch emulation]

“I’m sick of following my dreams. I’m just going to ask them where they’re going and hook up with them later.”
-Mitch Hedberg

Will’s company will decide to leave Hollywood for the more laid back, burgeoning film industry in Austin, TX, and we will convince Terry Gilliam and Eddie Izzard to also come here for a production. Probably Gilliam’s “Dark Omens” which would also mean Neil Gaiman would come here as a consultant.
That’s the short version. Suffice to say, that was the end result of a random conversation Jess and I had the other day. My favorite point was when my brain about snapped at the bizarre thought of Terry Gilliam directing a film starring Ben stiller and Eddie Izzard.
The other option was that Will, Annika, Jess and I start that fantasy production company we’ve talked about to produce this project. I mean, come on, who wouldn’t give us financing for something that bizarre? 😉