My birthday was on Sunday. Back in high school one of my best friends had a birthday the day after mine. We shall call him M. I still think of him often. When he went away to college we mostly lost touch, predominantly because I sucked at staying in touch for some reason. Over the years we reconnected a few times, but my memory is that he always thought I was reaching out with some ulterior motive, though I had none other than to reconnect with someone who was very important in my life, despite how it may have seemed from my actions. I have many formative memories with him, but tonight as his birthday drew to a close, this is the one that stood out.
I had a crush on a girl. I had this fear that she was going to start dating a mutual friend though I can’t remember exactly why. I seem to remember feeling like he ended up with anyone I developed feelings for but I can only recall that happening one other time than the one I’m about to recount, and I can’t remember if the other time happened before or after this one. Regardless, I had this fear. The object of my affections and the subject of my fear were among a group who went on a ski trip. After the group returned, I felt like my friends were acting weird any time I brought her up.
So finally one night I was on the phone with M and was telling him about this weirdness and he paused and said “Sit down.” He revealed to me that the other two had indeed got together on the ski trip and no one wanted to tell me because they knew I’d be hurt. He then came over and took me to a video game arcade in Culpepper Plaza near my house. We played video games and talked, and then he dropped me back at home, asking if I was going to be okay. I said, yeah I’d be fine and thanked him.
Then after he had left, I took my candy apple red Fender Stratocaster out in front of my house and smashed it into as many pieces as I could. I then collected them all and put them back in the guitar case, approximately where they would have gone when they were whole.
The next day I carried that case and walked the mile or so to the house of two of my other best friends, Dwight and Jay Barry. Their house was a gathering place where we would all often hang out all day and night. I walked into Dwight’s room, put the guitar case on his bed and opened it. I can still remember the utter shock on his face as he asked “What happened?” “I found out about (the girl),” I told him.
I would never repeat that incident, thankfully, but I think it might have been worth it just for the story and this whole memory. Happy birthday, M. I hope you are ridiculously happy in your life, as it seems pretty great from here and you deserve it. Sorry I wasn’t a better friend.