Author: Heath

Last night Iskra texted me to tell me that a bunch of people from the crew of a movie she’s working on were going out to a bar for a friend’s birthday. Since I knew this friend and many of the crew, I considered meeting them. At first I didn’t want to go. It’s hard for me to overcome my inertia and besides, I’m not big on bars, especially since I suspected this little hole in the wall would be one of the places that ignores the smoking band and let’s people smoke anyway. I decided to drop by for just a little while and say hi. I was right about the smoking but luckily it wasn’t too bad in there. One of the people on the crew is a guy named Jon who worked one the short films I’d just finished. We’d hit it off pretty well on the short film and both Larry and I thought he was a cool guy.
As soon as I walked in, he was the first one I saw and we immediately started talking. I don’t think we stopped for the next few hours. He’s also a musician so we talked at length and in depth about all things musical. From there things got deeper and more personal and by then of the night I found myself kind of surprised at the level of conversation I’d just had with someone that I didn’t know all that well. It was one of those cool genuine moments of connection that so rarely come along in life. It was a welcome respite. I think we be kindred spirits.

One of the worst side effects of my current life turmoil is that I feel almost completely unable to function. I seem to have absolutely no capacity for productivity. My attention span is non-existent. I’ve taken to sleeping in the living room on the couch because I need the TV on all night to keep my brain distracted enough to allow me to get even a few hours of sleep a night. This is, needless to say, not good for many reasons including the fact that I have various projects I need to get on with and I just can’t find the will or energy to do so. I seem to exist in a state of stasis in a grey and black void.
This is where I really love acting. Acting comes so easily to me and really makes me happy. I just walk on set, do my thing and then I’m done. I don’t have to worry about any of the preparations, logistics, etc., that come with my own projects. Sure I have to learn my lines and find my character and all that but comparatively, it seems so much easier. It’s the one thing that still works even in my current state of utter uselessness. Now if I could just get huge gobs of money to act in other people’s projects I’d be all set! Well at least more set than I am currently.