21
Jan
2003
13:31

I’m lazy, and that sucks.

However, on an up note, I started working on my screenplay again. The one I started in 2000, quickly wrote half of, then got lazy. I have so many dreams and such, but I’m a dreamer at heart, and not someone who does everything they should or could be doing to get where they want to go. I often feel guilty that I’m not recording my songs, or writing on my screenplay. It’s a vicious circle too. Everyday, I think “I should write on my screenplay”, but just don’t feel like it, then I feel guilty, and then I feel even less like doing it. I was thinking about this the other day, and realized that I think acting is the most suited to me. Writing (screenplays or songs or whatever), getting a band together, recording songs, all these things take much more motivation, at least for me. Acting is something that comes naturally to me, and seems more suited to my lazy nature. Sure you have to prepare, have headshots, find and go to auditions and such, but somehow this all seems easy to me. You get handed something written by someone else, and then you just do it. You act. You emote. I’m not saying it actually IS easier than anything else, but for me personally it is. It’s what I think I’m best suited for since it *seems* so easy to me, while the rest feel like effort (though very rewarding effort when I actually do them). I feel like I have so much potential, and yet do nothing with it. I feel age creeping up on me everyday, and wonder if I’ve wasted too much of my life already. I think about all the years I had when I was younger that I could have really been busting my ass for what I want with much more ease than I can now. Yet, I can’t go down that road mentally. The doubt road. I have to believe that I can achieve my dreams. The dreams I’ve had for as long as I can remember. The dreams that make me feel like I have a purpose, and drive the very being of my soul. I can’t believe that it’s too late, or that what I want to do is impossible, or else suddenly everything seems very gray, lifeless, and zombie-like, like the world stops in a color snapshot and all the color slowly drains from it. Sometimes what I want seems so unattainable, and yet I must. I can see my destination, I just have no idea how to reach it. It as if I can see the start (me) and the finish but can’t see anything in between. It sucks to be a dreamer. I’ve always been an “idea” person who needs to work with others who are better at the actual getting stuff done portion. Well, enough rambling for the moment.

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Haiku

I am ecstatic with my new email home, Fastmail. I’ve used Gmail for as long as I can remember. Since I first heard of it. However, I only used it to send and receive mail from my own custom domains, never from my actual Gmail address. I also used it for things like Calendar and YouTube because using those with a non-Gmail address didn’t used to be possible (now you can sign up with Google with your own non-Gmail email address). However, I recently read here that the “send-as” feature would be going away in January 2027 which makes Gmail no longer an option for me. Gmail’s “Send as” alias feature has always been a little janky and become more so over the years. I used to be able to send using Gmail’s SMTP servers but at some point that changed and I had to start using my web host’s SMTP servers. You also had to use “app passwords” with the alias accounts. It always felt a bit forced and cobbled together. So the search began for a new solution. I didn’t mind paying for the right service.

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I just remembered a story from my 6 months as a male singer for a 6 piece “show band” on a cruise ship that I don’t think I’ve ever told.

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When I was a young musician, I used to sit around playing music for hours just for the pure pleasure of it. I wasn’t necessarily learning songs for bands or rehearsing for anything in particular. I just loved learning and playing. Now, somewhere over 40 years into my career, I’m almost always preparing, learning, and rehearsing for various bands and upcoming gigs. However I have recently made sure to keep that perspective and remember that I love doing this. It’s not work or an obligation. It’s not a chore that is keeping me from something else. It is still something I love and enjoy. This perspective is so important and makes all this “homework” so much infinitely more enjoyable.

In today’s nap dream (REPEAT THIS WAS A DREAM):

I was trying to figure out the best way to dispose of a body. I was doing it for $30 for a man who said this person had owed him money and this was also my third time performing this service. I tried to make myself feel better by believing this must have been a bad person involved in crime or something. I had the body mostly covered so I couldn’t see the face, and was trying to cut the head off with a sword, and it was not going well. It was taking many swings. I was also house/pet sitting and trying to figure out what I should do. Bury it in the yard? I considered searching the internet for solutions but thought it best not to have that in my search history. Burying in the yard was a lot of work, and if the (now 3) bodies were discovered they might think that I also was responsible for their deaths. I really wondered why I was doing this for only $30 and was really regretting getting involved in this. Even worse, 3 times.

Then I woke up not very rested.

My new Emerald X20 carbon fiber acoustic guitar arrived on Saturday, and let me not bury the lede, I absolutely love it. The best acoustic I personally have ever played. Now for the longer version.

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I am well and truly SHOCKED (and I’m not just saying that to be “humble”) to not only again be nominated for “Best Multi-instrumentalist” (which I previously won thanks to all of you who voted) but ALSO “Best Male Vocalist” and “Best Performer” in the ATBC Awards. Tons of immensely talented folks in all the categories. I encourage you to go vote for your favorites and support local music and musicians!

FAB!, the Beatles tribute I’m in is also nominated for “Best New Artist”

Yacht Z, the yacht rock band I’m in is nominated for “Best Cover Band” (as well as Skyrocket who I have the pleasure of subbing with occasionally).

I was also in the “Band On The Run” and “Heat of the Moment – ASIA tribute” one-off special projects.

I’m also in several bands with Chris Nine and Matt Patterson who are both nominated as well!

If you’d like to support me, local music in general, or any other of your favorite Austin musicians who are nominated, you can vote here!

Firstly I always though and still think it’s a great song. I grew up in a time when people liked it in earnest and it had not yet become the cliche/punchline that it would become. People actually wanted to hear you play it. I just had the most vague traces a of a memory. I think it was in high school at some point and Eric Taylor (I think) recruited me and Richard Bade to be in a one-off band playing for a school talent show (I think). Eric was a great guitar player and I *think* I was just singing it, a rarity. My 6 month tenure on a cruise ship is the only other time I’ve been a dedicated vocalist who wasn’t also playing an instrument (and a one-off sub gig with Tumbling Dice, a great Rolling Stones tribute). Still a strange feeling to me when I do it. I’m sure there must have been at least one or two other folks involved in that band but I can’t remember who. I also have vague recollections of all kinds of technical snafus wreaking havoc with the one-song performance. It’s all so vague, I can’t swear by any of this. Other than I still think it’s a banger.

Weirdly another musician equipment anxiety dream last night once again starring Skyrocket! In the dream we were playing in an HEB. We got to the song “Der Kommissar” and I realized I hadn’t hooked up my guitar stuff yet so I frantically hooked it up as fast as I could but missed most of the song. Then it was time for “99 Luftballoons” and I started scrolling through keyboard sounds and couldn’t find it. I then realized that though I had recently upgraded, I had brought the old keyboard which didn’t have my sounds (they were both almost identical looking Nords). At break I was very apologetic and feared they would never hire me again. I made plans to just try and do the best with what I had and find sounds that worked.

I’ve been playing bass for 40+ years. A Ric was never particularly on my “wish list” or anything though I knew they were great basses. Over the decades, the more I played and learned about various basses, I started to think a Ric might just be a good fit for me. I finally decided to take the plunge and I am completely sold. I could go on for days about all the things I love. I chose the 4003S because it has a more rounded and comfortable body since it has no binding. The models with binding I find uncomfortable on the right forearm. And also the dot inlays are what McCartney had and we all know I love me some McCartney.

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I had a dream last night that I was part of a group of musician friends who had signed on for a short run of shows on a cruise ship. Once we were on the ship and out on the ocean, I realized I had left all my gear in my car back on land. I was trying to figure out how I could maybe get by using somebody else’s gear on the ship. Extra weirdly, my cabin mate was Jake Connelly, the actor who played “Dipshit Derek“ on Stranger Things and he was being a total jerk to me about it all so we had an argument and went our separate ways while I looked for the office where I was supposed to get my ID/Swipe card as it was hard to go anywhere or open any doors without it.

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