27
Aug
2020
20:55

Consent

A long time ago, there was someone who decided it was best for us to cut all contact. Since that time, we have been in contact a handful of times, but always regarding a specific logistical detail or such and always initiated by them. In my mind, I was like a vampire who had been “Uninvited.” I recently had need to get some details from them and even though I knew they would be fine with that, at first I refused to contact them. Because I felt it was “against the rule” that they set forth so long ago and that has not explicitly been rescinded. Eventually, I decided to contact them anyway as I knew they would understand. I kept it very formal, neutral and simply asked for the information I needed. They responded, equally neutrally and formally with the relevant information.

When I was discussing this with my therapist (and the whole “non-communication” rule has come up many times before), my therapist said “So the theme I seem to repeatedly be hearing in this is consent.”

For some reason, that hit me like a piano. I had never used that exact word before but she was right. That was exactly it. This person had requested to cut all communication so long ago, and though it had been a long time and we had been in contact and there was no hostility or anything like that between us, that “agreement” had never been revoked so in my mind, any contact initiated by me, even with very good and understandable reason was a violation of that rule and their consent. I don’t want to go where I’m not wanted. I don’t want to force anyone to read my words, hear my voice, or in any way receive any communication from me that they don’t want. But it sucks.

So I remain a vampire with a rescinded invitation.

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